


Meet Me At Midnight

by kawaiiowl18



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-11 04:27:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5613922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kawaiiowl18/pseuds/kawaiiowl18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarah Rogers is sick and might not see New Years Eve and her last request is that Steve brings someone home so she knows he isn't going to die alone. Steve is trying to find someone but when his best friend Natasha suggests he takes her cousin, Bucky, things get a little complicated. For starters, Steve and Bucky are really good friends but they're also currently not dating and in a dom/sub relationship. Steve might also be harboring some strong feelings for his dom without sharing these feelings. Sam, Clint, Natasha, and Wanda want to work together to share with Steve the miracle of life, childbirth, and the benefits of having someone to love. Will Steve and Bucky admit their feelings for each other and will Sarah Rogers make it to 2016?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jess Bless Yoga Pants

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to write this before and it got deleted because screw the wifi.
> 
> I don't own any of the characters, Avengers and Young Avengers alike. All right belong to Marvel. I'm just writing fan fiction here. 
> 
> It's also not beta'd so please excuse my dear aunt sally. 
> 
> Dedicated to my Foggy because you're a beautiful gem, Quinn. I do hope you enjoy this story and that I don't ruin you too much.
> 
> Let the smut and pain commence!

Steve Rogers was a good man with a routine that he kept in place for every day except the weekends. Friday to Sunday was not his own time but he wouldn't complain, never. He could usually be found jogging in the park with his best friend and fellow Veteran Sam Wilson. He also would spend a lot of time with his other close friend, Natasha Romanov, who was like a sister to him. He had met her in college and the two were inseparable after the Tony Incident of 2008. That was something Steve didn't want to remember though and certainly never talk about again. He then would spend his time teaching. He was a guidance counselor at the local military base, still having some PTSD himself. Steve had managed to work through most of it but sometimes the nightmares just came back to him. He didn't see a need to get help, not anymore. He could manage and that was good enough for him. It was honestly his Friday night when therapy began. A personal therapy, one that allowed a freeing, a letting go of the mind. It was a rainy Friday night when these weekends started up. Natasha had a cousin from Romania who was visiting her and if Steve said he wasn't handsome, the man would be telling lies.

He had piercing eyes, a strong jaw, and those muscular arms made Steve shiver. Whenever this cousin wore yoga pants though, Steve was done for. Bless those yoga pants and whoever invented them. Natasha had been out on that Friday when Steve came by and he was about to leave but her cousin, James Buchanan Barnes, said he could stay and that Nat would be home eventually. She didn't come home until 3am and by then, Steve was fast asleep curled up against Bucky. He remembers Chinese food and accidentally kissing James. He blushed and apologized a lot but that changed quickly when James pulled him back into another kiss. The tension game they'd been playing finally disappeared and they could do whatever they wanted with Natasha gone for the night. Bucky warned Steve about how he wasn't a typical love partner, told him about BDSM and his slightly 'unconventional ways' but Steve wanted to try. Bucky was honestly a little nervous at first because he knew about Steve's PTSD but Steve reassured him this wouldn't be a trigger and the rest was history from there. 

 

Steve entered Bucky's apartment with the spare key, being one hour earlier than Bucky for a change. He was always later because of his classes but he had let out early in anticipation of the weekend to come. It had been a long week and Steve needed this...Bucky seemed to need it too. He went into the room down the hall and to the left to change into nothing but a blue collar and a pair of tight black shorts. This room is where they kept everything from toys to lube to gags, everything. It was also locked usually but again, Steve had a key. He slipped out of the room and into the kitchen, deciding he had enough time to make dinner. Sometimes they'd take turns cooking. It seemed rather domestic for their situation but Steve nor Bucky complained. They were friends who had kinky sex on the weekends except Steve had fallen hard and he had fallen fast. He knew that's not how Bucky saw this though and so he kept those feelings tucked way down below. He heard the front door shut just as he finished setting the table, going to kneel by the chair Bucky usually sat in.

Bucky seemed to stop for a moment before walking over to Steve. He placed a hand under his chin, making the submissive male look up. Again, bless yoga pants. Bless. 

"How long have you been waiting for me...?" Bucky asked, voice gentle but commanding already.

"Only a few minutes sir..." Steve responded, eyes closing as he felt the warm touch of the hand go from chin down his chest. 

"I see...I also see you made dinner but I think that for now it's best if you're the only item on the menu." He said, pulling his hand away from Steve. "Go prepare yourself in the bedroom but don't moan and don't cum." He added, instructing sternly.

Steve listened immediately, going to lay on the bed. He used the lube that was on the bedsite table, having to bite his lower lip to keep from moaning. Steve could get loud in the bedroom...he knew that. Bucky also knew this. It was pure torture for him right now, especially since he imagined it was the other man and not himself sliding fingers inside. When Bucky came in, Steve froze and looked at him as if waiting for more instruction. Bucky walked over to him and held his hand out.

"Come to me, my good boy." He said softly

Steve removed his fingers and crawled across the satin sheets to Bucky, arms wrapping around him for a few moments. Bucky held Steve close, fingers lightly ghosting over his back.

"My sweet one...are you hungry tonight?" 

Steve knew what this question meant and pulled away slightly, nodding eagerly. 

"Please sir, may I have a taste?" Steve asked, looking up at Bucky with a spark in his eyes

"Absolutely..." He responded, pulling away from Steve to slide his pants down.

Steve slid down a kneeling position and watched him, waiting.

"No touching, understand? Not of me or that pretty little cock of yours." Bucky said

Steve nodded eagerly again, hands locking together behind his back as Bucky's throbbing erection finally sprang free from the confides of cotton and spandex. Steve swallowed him down slowly, relaxing his throat to take him down all the way. Bucky hummed in pleasure, stroking Steve's jaw slightly.

"Fuck...your mouth is sin." Bucky sighed, earning a slight moan from Steve, eyes sliding shut in pleasure.

Bucky would never try to choke Steve and was careful but oh how he wanted to grab Steve by the hair.

"You want me to fuck that pretty mouth of yours?" Bucky asked through a moan, accent thickening slightly.

The Romanian coming out of Bucky in moments like this always made a shiver dance down Steve's spine because he did that. He made Bucky unravel like that. Steve pulled away, looking up as he spoke.

"Please sir...use me, use me like the whore I am..." Steve said, beginning to shudder with anticipation.

Bucky slid his cock back into Steve's mouth and began to thrust slowly. Steve swallowed every now and again. Began finally pulled out and ran his fingers through Steve's hair, earning a whine of pleasure when tugging slightly.

"Such a good boy...so good for your master. How should I reward you, hm? You think you can cum for me or should I make you wait longer? I'm starting to think you don't want this..." He said, earning a desperate whine from Steve.

"Shhh...I'm going to take good care of you...did you prepare yourself like I told you to?"

Steve nodded in response, a verbal reply unavailable right now as Steve felt himself being pulled into this fog of arousal. He wasn't above having to beg, not at this point.

"Answer me, my sweet boy..." Bucky said, wanting that response as he wante dto make sure Steve wasn't too far gone.

"Yes, sir." Steve said softly

"Hm..you seem to be elsewhere...should I get out the cage?" 

"Please no..!" Steve began to protest but Bucky had already pulled the cage out.

"Lay on your back." He said sternly and Steve complied.

Bucky could see the utter want and desperation in Steve's eyes and tossed the cock cage to the side for now. He slid up the beg and began to grind his hips downward, causing them both to moan at the delicious friction. Bucky still used the lube and still slid his fingers into Steve's wanting hole, never wanting this part to hurt. When they were sure they were ready, Bucky slid into Steve. Bucky moaned at this, Steve clencing around him.

"Such a tight slut for me...so good..." He said between moans

He then began to get lost in his own sea of pleasure as he grabbed Steve's hips and began to thrust hard and fast. Steve bit his bottom lip, making Bucky run his thumb across it.

"Want to hear your pretty sounds now." Was all that needed to be said for Steve's loud moans to fill the room. He never moaned Bucky's name before but it slipped passed his lips. This caused Bucky's hips to stammer before he began to speak Russian as he came. Steve shivered at this feeling and tried to catch his breath but Bucky had slid out of him and was currently taking Steve's dripping aching dick between his lips. It wasn't long before he came himself, both of them ending up laying there panting.

Bucky stood up silently then and went to get a wash cloth and a glass of water. He also knew he should draw up a bath soon, knowing Steve liked taking baths after their time together. He went and began to clean Steve up with the cloth.

"You're so good for me...why don't I feed you tonight after a bath..?" He asked

Steve nearly purred in response, exhaustion already taking over as Bucky ran his fingers through his hair.

"Come on, sit up...you need to drink the water while I go start the back." Bucky said, wondering how long Steve waited for this.

They hadn't gotten a session in the weekend before and Bucky ahd kind of taken it easy on him tonight as a reward. He was still liquid bone though, making Bucky wonder exactly what kind of effect he had on the other man. He glowed and looked exhausted, sitting up to drink the water. Bucky could also tell Steve wasn't sleeping well again but he wouldn't pry. Bucky just always let Steve know they could talk whenever. Bucky served too and he would help Steve where he could. Now he was a ballet instructor with his cousin Natasha. Life was strange that way. He didn't say anything about the exhaustion until they were in the tub, Steve leaning against him.

"Hey...you're not sleeping again?" Bucky asked as he continued to run his fingers through Steve's hair. It was a kink and a comfort, information Bucky stored away for times like these.

"Nah...I'll be okay though. Just means I need to drink more coffee." Steve said softly, honestly not wanting to talk about it.

Sarah his mom, she called him last night. He didn't sleep all night...and then he had nightmares the night before that. Things weren't going well, not at all. But he had Bucky and he would always have Bucky. He believed in that, even if it wasn't in the way he probably truly needed Bucky. Silence fell between them for a few more moments before Bucky had an idea. They hadn't ever done this before, Steve insisting on sleeping in the spare room instead over the weekends.

"Stay in my bed tonight, with me."

Steve stiffened at the idea, breathing stopping for a moment before he relaxed again.

"Is that an order or a suggestion?" Steve countered

"Both. Please Steve..I want to help you through your nightmares. You deserve a good night's rest." Bucky said as he went to rub soap across Steve's chest.

Steve hummed at this before sighing, "...just for tonight?"

"For as long as you like, my sweet boy." Bucky said, still running his fingers through his hair.

Steve sat up before standing and stepping out of the tub in silence. He dried off before wrapping a towel around himself and silently exiting the bathroom. Bucky sighed and closed his eyes as he leaned against the edge of the tub. He had fallen hard for Steve and he had fallen fast. But he tucked that away where Steve wouldn't find it. Bucky tucked a lot of things away. Natasha knew though...but she figured the two of them would figure out they loved each other eventually. Especially when she found the cock ring and handcuffs. But that wasn't her business. She had Sam in on it too though and they had a bet that Natasha was determined to win. Natasha was panting slightly as she rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling before looking over at Sam, who was also panting.

"Okay...let's say they never figure it out. Then what?" Sam asked

"Can't our post sex talks be a little more about something else?" Natasha asked with a slightly playful smile.

"I'll stop talking about it when you stop giving me that smile."

"Fair enough, Wilson. Let's say they do figure it out though. I heard Steve talking to his mom. She expects him to bring someone home before her sickness advances too far. I think Bucky would be perfect for that."

"I want to up the price then, Romanov. $100 says they end up together before this trip is over."

"$100 days they end up together before this trip." Natasha said, cuddling against Sam.

He wrapped an arm around her, "Deal."

_ _ _

Steve and Bucky never shared a bed before and tonight, Steve was nervous. He had his pajams on though and was currently laying on his side, staring at the wall. Bucky was already sound asleep, snoring slightly. It kind of made him smile a little. Steve had talked to his mom and she mentioned how he never brought anybody home. She told him the doctors said she didn't have much longer and the cancer would probably take her before New Years Eve so he promised her he would bring someone. He promised her he wasn't alone in that aspect because it made her happy but in reality, there was nobody. Maybe...maybe Bucky would be the guy to ask. Natasha told him her should. Steve would pay him if he had to...anything to make Sarah Rogers happy, in his book. It was always just her and Steve, his dad way out of the picture before Steve was even born. Bucky would make her happy...he hoped. He just had to ask, but could he? She was sick and this New Years could be her last. The thought made his stomach churn. He frowned slightly and shifted a little. Bucky also shifted, an arm draping over Steve now. He went completely stiff, eyes wide as he stared at the wall.

"Buck...Bucky..." He whispered

Bucky just snorted in his sleep and rolled over,making Steve sigh in relief. It wasn't that he didn't want to cuddle, it was that he wouldn't let anything ruin what he currently had with Bucky. Deciding he would never sleep, the clock flashing 4am, Steve got up and went to go for a morning jog. He left a note for Bucky, saying he would be back. The cool DC air was a welcoming familiar feeling. It was home.

Bucky woke up at 6 to find Steve was gone and frowned slightly. He sighed and sat up, wrapping the fluffy blanket around him before going into the kitchen to make coffee. There was a note beside the coffee maker, easing his mind a little as he realized Steve went out for a run. He then grabbed his phone off of the charger on the kitchen counter and saw Steve was out for breakfast with Nat and Sam. Bucky knew Natasha wanted Sam to propose because she would leave him subtle hints all the time but Steve and him were the only two who knew Sam was going to propose on New Years. He remembered when Sam asked for permission. THe poor guy was sweating a little as Bucky sat there stoically. Steve shot him a stern look, making him ease up on Wilson a little and say yes. He just wanted Nat to be happy, honestly, and Sam seemed. to make her very happy. He began to muse over his cup of coffee though. Could he ever make Steve that happy? Would Steve want to be made happy like that by Bucky? He knew a lot about Steve. It wasn't just whips and chains all of the time.

They would spend moments together between scenes watching movies or eating together or sometimes Steve would be Bucky's dance partner in trying to figure out specific moves to teach his ballet class. They even started going to the store together and sometimes they'd carpool when Natasha's friend Clint had a part at his bar or when they'd end up spending the weekend at Natasha and Sam's apartment. They laughed together, they kind of lived together on the weekends. It was comfortable, domestic. In a way, Steve was home to Bucky but he would never let his emotions get in the way of what they currently had. Steve was happy and that was good enough for Bucky. He stood and put his mug beside the coffee pot, deciding he wanted to have another cup after his shower before going to place the blanket on the bed. It was December 15th and winter was relentless right now. HE started the water and slid out of his sweat pants and t-shirt before waiting a few moments. He saw that Steve's pajamas from last night were folded neatly and placed on the counter, making him smile slightly. What if Steve stayed here permanently? Would it always be this domestic? This pure? He slid under the warm spray and hummed slightly, closing his eyes.

 

Steve was a clean and orderly man, Bucky noticed that from the beginning. His shampoo and soap sat in one corner of the shower while Bucky's sat in the other. His clothes, which Steve did keep some here for the weekends, were in the closet and extra drawers in the closet. He kept a comb, toothbrush, and deodorant there. It was as if Steve was there without having to actually be there. He also bought a few mugs that sat in Bucky's cabinet that screamed 'Steve.' It was nice...it was home. Bucky's senses heighted for a moment when he heard the bathroom door open and close but he enver tensed up and he never opened his eyes as he assaged the soap into his hair. The shower door opened after a few minutes before he felt those familiar hands begin to rub soap on his chest. Bucky rinsed his hair before peeking his eyes open and smiling slightly. This was safe, this was home, this was Steve.

"Good morning, Buck." Every morning from Firday to Sunday...but what if it was every day?

What if?


	2. Party At Casa De La Barton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha has a friend who owns a bar. He lives above this bar. He throws a party. Shenanigans ensue.
> 
> Also, most of this chapter is probably from Natasha's point of view with a little from Wanda's point of view too.
> 
>  
> 
> May I be able to write this steadily with a cup of coffee that has enough sugar to kill a man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything, all rights belong to Marvel. 
> 
> Dedicated to my Foggy, hope you like it so far.
> 
> I'll include more kinky sex in the next chapter, I promise. 
> 
> Also: not beta'd still but if someone would like to, I'd be cool with that. 
> 
> And Yasha = James. It's the Russian version of the name and I figure Natasha and Wanda would call him that affectionately. 
> 
> Доброе утро = Good morning
> 
> My Russian/Romanian is very rusty, I'm so sorry. If I get anything wrong, please let me know. 
> 
> Not a whole lot of Stucky in this chapter but well...I need more backstory to work off of so here we go.

Natasha was a very wise woman, knowing more about her friends than they seemed to know about themselves. Steve and Bucky loved each other, any idiot with a pair of eyes could see that but maybe not so much. Or maybe they were both in denial. Both of them didn't have the best romantic record in the past and some of the stuff left scars. Natasha remembered when she met Tony Stark, a genius playboy with a heart of iron. She enjoyed his wit, his sarcasm, and she let his common sense slide. She played his game. He took her innocence when they were young, sleeping with her many times in college. She hadn't known about Steve then, though. He was an art student, she knew that. She also knew he was much more innocent than her and when they both found out Tony was sleeping with the both of them, they gave Tony Stark hell. Natasha slashed three of his four tires and broke his nose while Steve ignored that he ever existed. This was the beginning of their friendship but what she didn't know was how attached Steve was. Tony was intelligent and kind, he wanted to be an engineer like his dad when he 'grew up'. He had a tragic backstory and Steve gave him ore than a warm bed. He gave Tony his mind, his heart, his virginity, his sou, and Tony ruined it. Steve wasn't innocent anymore and Nat realized it when he mentioned going into the military. They sat there in a diner when he told her, taking her appetite away. Natasha saw the deadness in his eyes, the kind of dead that goes soul deep, and she grabbed his hand and smiled slightly. 

"My cousin is in...he's with the Russian army though...but he could probably give you a few pointers or maybe help you out where he can if you want me to give you his address." Natasha offered, knowing that when Steve said he was going to do something, he did it. 

Steve shook his head, not taking the address but thanking her still. Sam and her met when Steve was flying out that day because they both went to see him. Apparently Steve met Sam in art school, although Sam was also an engineer major. A friend of Tony's really. Steve didn't mention Tony after he found out Tony had been slipping his mom prescription pills for what was an undiagnosed illness at the time, making her sicker on accident. Whenever he thought about Tony, it made him physically sick but it made Natasha really kind of sick too. Sam and Natasha had gone out for coffee later that day, Sam wanting to make sure she was okay. She had reassured him but took him up on the coffee because well, he was cute and she was single and it was time she found her own happiness. They talked for hours in that airport coffee shop and the rest was history. She also remembered when Bucky came back into her life and when Steve met him for the first time. Bucky had knocked on her door, looking jet lagged and a little sickly. He had a head cold, that was all. She didn't believe him but still welcomed him with a hug, a warm cup of tea, and these rolls their babushka used to make when they would visit her in the summertime. They had grown up together and were incredibly inseparable. Bucky was discharged though because of his arm. It was a dead arm, all of the nerve endings destroyed and so when Natasha opened the door, she was surprised to discover he had only one. It was this way for a few months until Sam built him a prosthetic. 

It looked like his old arm, all the way up to the star and crow tattoo he had and it reacted like an arm did to brain signals. He couldn't really thank Sam enough and tried not to cry. He did hide the 'seam line' though between arm and prosthetic with short sleeve shirts. Life carried on pretty normally, Bucky going to work for Natasha in the business they had started together for ballet, Sam building machines and prosthetics for the hospital. It was all fine, a dream come true. Then the nightmare began when Steve was discharged. He was a mess mentally, his anxiety and depression causing him to be institutionalized. he isolated himself for a while after he got out but Natasha refused. She went to see him every day and Bucky took on most of her students while she tried to help Steve. He confided in her and they ended up going to therapy together. It was one really bad night for Steve, it was getting late and he got Chinese food before heading over to Natasha's place. She was out with Sam but Bucky was there. She found the two of them cudded up on the couch and asleep, Golden Girls playing on the TV. It made Natasha smile when she realized Steve wasn't having any nightmares for the first time in a while. She realized maybe Bucky was what Steve needed. It was only 6 months later when she realized what they had really been up to and she even warned Bucky and Steve that she would kill whoever hurt the other first. 

Sam moved in with her just three months ago but it was going incredibly well. About a month later, Natasha found out she couldn't have children but she didn't mind it so much. Sam was supportive and still loved her. He actually brought home a puppy that day. His name is Pongo and it was a very sweet gesture. She currently was curled up on the couch with Pongo sleeping on her legs. He was bigger now, a German Shepherd. She was reading and eating the rest of the spaghetti when Bucky busted through the front door. He was covered in snow, sadness in his eyes as he took in shallow breaths. She set the book aside, Pongo having jumped off of the couch as he was ready to attack whoever busted in.

"Yasha?" Natasha asked with a frown

"Steve's dead..."

Her heart skipped a beat as she sat up straighter, "What?"

"He...he got a phone call about his mom, she's real sick as you know and he was on his way to see me when he hit a sheet of ice. Steve's dead, he's in a coma and they...they don't think he's going to make it. Steve's dead."

Natasha sat upright on the couch, having fallen asleep. There was Pongo, there was the book, but there was no Bucky. Her phone began to ring, making her frown when she saw "Yasha' pop up.

"Hey, are you busy? My phone died or I would have called you using it." Steve said into the phone.

She sighed a breath of relief. It was a dream, all just a dream. Steve was alive, he was fine. She needed to stop having 'Steve is dead' nightmares but they did pop up. The man could be very reckless when he got upset. He would probably jump on a grenade for someone and sacrifice himself if he had to. She didn't want to think about whether the opportunity rose or not in the army.

"Not really, just at home. What's up?" Natasha asked as she carefully moved her legs from underneath the dog. She stood and went to go get dressed, figuring Steve needed her. It was a reflex.

"My mom just called...I have a week to find someone to take home to her because I promised her I would. I told her I had someone. Tasha, I'm an idiot." Steve said, sounding a bit distressed. 

Natasha stopped looking for a bra and smiled slightly. "You could take Bucky."

Silence for half a second before a dry laugh left Steve's throat. 

"I'm sorry, I thought I just heard you say I could take Bucky."

"I did say that. He's your friend, Steve. Your best friend and your dominant, I highly doubt there isn't anything he wouldn't do for you." Natasha said before hearing the door open.

She stiffened slightly but relaxed when she saw it was Sam and not Bucky. It was just a dream, just a dream. She hated those nightmares.

"I'll...can't I just borrow Sam? What if I paid Clint?" 

"Talk to Yasha, Steve. And call me back after you do." She said before hanging up and going over to Sam.

"$100?" He asked

"Not yet but when I get it from you, I'll make sure to roll naked in it on the sheets for a nice display." She said with a slight smirk.

"Now you're making me want to just throw money at you."

Natasha shrugged and sauntered off to the bedroom, still smirking slightly. It was just a nightmare, life was still good.

_ _ _

Wanda woke up to a soft thump on the bed. A few seconds later, another thump followed, making her smile slightly. She lived above a bar, Clint Barton's bar. It was difficult at times but it was home and a place to work, a place to give her sons a chance in this world. She sat up after glancing at the clock, 7am.

"Доброе утро, my boys. Are you about ready for school?" She asked, knowing they'd be late today.

"Thomas stole my pencil case." Billy said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Billy wouldn't stop throwing pencils at me!" Thomas tried to defend.

"Thomas, give your brother back his case. William, don't throw things at your brother. Both of you know better. We are family and do you know what that means?" Wanda asked

"...it means all we have is each other..." The twins muttered in unison.

"That's right, especially as twins. Now let's go, hurry. I don't want you late for school." She said, standing and looking for the oversized hoodie she kept of her brother's. 

She zipped it up, walking the boys to the end of the road before watching them get on the bus. She then went back inside to begin her day. She had just pulled her hair back when someone came up behind her. She immediately threw her elbow back in defense before turning, ready to throw another punch when she gasped.

"Clint, oh no! No, I am so very sorry, oh God." Wanda said, panicking as she grabbed his hand to pull him downstairs with her.

"Please, Wanda, it's okay. It's fine..." He said softly

She still proceeded to place some ice wrapped in a bar mop on his now swelling eye. 

"Wanda." He said firmly then, getting her attention. 

She sighed before starting to laugh silently. Clint smiled at this. 

"I should really give you some warning...I know better. But good morning, I made breakfast." Clint said

"You shouldn't have." Wanda said

"I did though...it's just breakfast."

It fell silent between them then for a few moments before Wanda nodded. 

"Thank you, it was kind of you. I have to make a phone call first though but I'll be back." She said before heading upstairs.

Clint sighed and went to go get a cup of coffee as he held the ice to his eye. She still had a hard time with the concept of dating her boss and they'd been together for three years now. He pulled the black box off of the breakfast tray and tucked it into his pocket. He supposed that should wait a while longer. Bobbi, his ex-wife, she thought he moved way too quickly. Oh well. 

Wanda sat on the edge of her bed, waiting for Bucky to pick up his phone. It was Friday morning, she hoped he wasn't busy. 

"Wanda?" Bucky asked into the phone, sounding worried and a little...out of breath? 

"Yasha, I gave Clint a black eye...." She said, frowning slightly. 

Laughter. James Buchanan Barnes was laughing at the situation. 

"I'm so glad you're amused. He...he's so sweet to me and I broke his eye. Or I at least made it swell and he made me breakfast. He's my boss, I love him dearly and he's my boss. This situation is so weird..." 

Bucky sighed then. 

"You love him, you'd admitted it...so go have breakfast with him. Spend time with him before the bar opens and I'll see you tonight at the party, okay? Do you need someone to watch the boys?" Bucky asked

"Nope. Their father is going to take them for the weekend. I'll see you tonight..." She said before hanging up.

Clint was standing at the bottom of the stairs and heard the whole thing, frowning slightly. Maybe he would ask her tonight...he would take her to the balcony off of the second story and ask her to marry him. It was a set plan.

Wanda had carried out her waitress duties throughout the day but they had closed the bar down around 8 to prepare for their friends coming. 

"So exclusive, Barton. What do you have up that sleeve of yours?" She asked with a slight smile. 

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Clint replied with a smile of his own. 

She put the tray down and looked at him for a few minutes. Her situation was never normal, not after Pietro died in the war. Bucky had fought beside him and when he found out Pietro had a sister and two nephews, he immediately helped them get set up in America. Wanda cooked him meals to repay him since Bucky refused to take her money and it was like Pietro watched from above and gave her a new family. A family that was loving and strong. She smiled slightly to herself as she walked over to Clint and pulled him into a deep kiss. 

"I love you...I do. Nothing has been normal after...the war...but that's okay. Because I have you, I have a family and I haven't ever been happier. I know you were at the bottom of the stairs listening earlier. I get scared sometimes...yes, but it's okay. We're okay." Wanda said, pulling him in for another kiss.

Clint wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, deepending the kiss. She let him lift her up, wrapping her legs around his waist as he began to carry her towards the stairs. She had packed the boys up and saw them off two hours ago, the two of them having an hour before the party. Or so they thought. Natasha and Sam came early. 

"Should I come back later? I can wait outside." Sam said

Wanda unwrapped her legs and pulled away from Clint. She was blushing and cleared her throat as Clint looked a little annoyed. A giggle escaped her throat, kissing Clint one more time before going over to Sam and Natasha. 

"Hello, come in. Do you need help carrying anything in?" Wanda asked 

"No, I've got it. Just this box." Natasha said, setting a box on the bar.

"What is this?" Wanda asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Clint grabbed her hand, pulling her away from it. 

"Nothing, absolutely nothing. Just decorations and whatnot. Why don't we go into the kitchen and get the food ready, together?" He asked, desperately trying to pull her away.

Wanda wondered what Clint had up his sleeve but followed him into the kitchen. Meanwhile, Natasha and Sam were setting up balloons and streamers. 

"She has no clue he's going to ask, does she?" Sam asked

"Not a damn clue." Natasha replied, taping up a streamer. 

"Is someone getting married?" Steve asked as him and Bucky showed up, together.

Natasha shot Sam a look when he smiled. 

"No, nobody is...we're assisting Clint in getting laid." Sam said

There was a knock on the door of the bar, Natasha frowning slightly. Sam, Clint, Wanda, Steve, Bucky, who were they missing? Her heart dropped into her stomach when she opened the door. 

"Tony." She said stiffly.

Steve had been laughing at something Bucky said when he spotted Tony, going completely stiff. Bucky, Sam, and Natasha saw the anxiety slowly forming in him and Bucky immediately pulled him upstairs. 

"Was that Steve? Everybody's here. Sam didn't tell me everybody would be here."

If looks could kill, Sam Wilson would be dead the moment Natasha turned around. He knew, she told him and he knew and he still invited this bastard. Natasha went into the kitchen where Wanda and Clint were. 

"What? What happened?" Clint asked, frowning the moment he saw Natasha. 

Nat had known Clint since their freshman year of high school and the two of them had always told each other everything. She only had to say "Tony is here and Sam invited him" before Clint grabbed the vodka off of the counter and handed it to her. She took a long swig before putting it back on the counter. She then slid down said counter and closed her eyes. Why would Sam do this...? He knew how much Tony had hurt her and Steve. Especially Steve. There was more to this story that she didn't know but Sam Wilson better pray they can all get through this night, alive and sane and put together. 

Or else. There would be Hell to pay. 

 

Steve currently sat on the edge of her bed, taking deep breaths. Bucky held both of his hands. 

"Hey, hey...no...Steve, remember what I told you." Bucky said

"Fuck the happy place. He's here, he's here and I don't know why. He's supposed to not be here. Bucky, Buck...James, why?" Steve asked, trying not to cry. 

Bucky pulled him close into a hug, holding him there. Tony almost killed his mother, he almost ruined Steve's life. Wanda had come upstairs but Bucky motioned for her to go back downstairs. Steve clung to Bucky and cried into his shoulder. 

"He's a mess..." Wanda told Natasha. 

She walked out into the main room and slapped Sam, hard. He frowned. 

"What the hell?"

"I could ask you the same fucking thing, Sam. What is Tony Stark doing here?" She asked

"Right here, sitting right here." Tony said

"He's a buddy of mine from college. He was in town..."

"It's been years, Natasha. It's okay..." 

"It is not okay." A voice said but it wasn't Natasha's. 

Tony didn't have time to react when Bucky lunged at him, crashing into one of the tables. He started throwing punches and he didn't stop. 

"Buck...Bucky, stop. Stop it, James Barnes!" Steve shouted, making Bucky stop and look up.

This gave Tony a moment to reach up and punch him, causing him to completely start to beat James senseless. 

Steve walked over and literally pulled Tony off of Bucky, throwing him across the room. 

"Leave. Now." Steve said, hands shaking as he glared at Tony.

"And take Wilson with you." Natasha said, frowning. 

"Tasha..." Sam said

"Both of you get your asses out of my bar!" Clint shouted, making everybody quiver. 

Tony and Sam both left, Sam taking him to the hospital. Natasha sighed and turned to look at Steve and Bucky. Steve was helping him up and checking out his face. Wanda went to get ice and a first aid kit. Clint went over and wrapped his arms around Natasha. She hit him in the chest a few times before burying her face in his shoulder and wrapping her arms around him. She then pulled away. 

"Ask her or I'll hit you." Natasha said

"He would but he already did...when we were in the kitchen. He started going on about you and worrying about your relationship. I kissed him, told him everything would be fine. He said I was his rock...I helped keep him grounded sometimes and then he said 'marry me' and I agreed." Wanda said, holding up her left hand. 

Natasha smiled and went over, going to look at the ring.

"Probably not how you wanted to do this but congratulations." Natasha said.

At least everything wasn't a mess.


	3. Little Black Boxes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and Pongo stay with Bucky for a while.  
> Sam moves to the other side of the country.  
> Wanda and Clint have to tell Billy and Tommy they're engaged.  
> Drama.  
> Smut.  
> Everything in between.  
> Good luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to Quinn.
> 
> Three chapters in one day, someone stop me I have to pack for my flight tomorrow. 
> 
> Or don't stop me, I'm enjoying this. 
> 
> I need another cup of coffee though and some Oreos would be nice...

Natasha was currently sleeping in the spare room in Bucky's apartment, her and Sam having not spoken since that night. She was curled up with Pongo at the foot of the bed, not wanting to get out from underneath the warm duvet. It was Friday night and Natasha promised to give the boys their space even though Bucky and even Steve kept insisting she didn't need to but she realized this was something Steve might need, especially after Tony just showed up. She still couldn't believe Sam would do that. She needed to go get a few more things from the apartment and decided to do so before heading over to the bar. She could use a drink and she had an engagement party present for Clint and Wanda. She told Bucky she would be back and teased them about using lube before getting in the car. She had Pongo with her, ready for anything that could happen. She approached the old apartment, Pongo on a leash.

"Come on, boy...lets go get some clothes and whatnot.." She muttered to him before climbing up the stairs.

This was going to be fun.

 

Bucky had Steve currently tied to the bed, working him open with his tongue, earning those sweet moans from him. 

"Sir...Bucky..." 

He pulled away and looked up at Steve when he heard his name. Steve knew that he shouldn't be saying Bucky's name in bed like this and Bucky knew that he knew. 

"Are you okay? Do you need me to untie you?" Bucky asked as he sat up on the bed. 

Steve shook his head. 

"I just...I uh...I need to ask you something. It's been on my mind and this isn't the best time to ask but I have a bit of an issue. Can you untie me, please?" He asked

Bucky nodded and untied Steve, watching him sit up as he began to wonder if maybe Steve didn't like this as much as he thought. Maybe he was going to leave Bucky, he would be telling a lie if he said that thought hadn't passed his mind. 

"My mom is really sick, Buck...like she might not make it to the new year, kind of sick. And she told me I should bring someone home. She wants to know I've got someone and I told her yes but I don't really have anybody so I thought maybe I could ask you. If you wanted. I'd pay you, I would...I just..."

Steve sighed and laid back, covering his face with the pillow. Bucky smiled slightly. Steve wasn't leaving him and this was....this was what he wanted? He pulled the pillow away. 

"I would love to...no payment needed. I really didn't have any plans for Christmas yet and we have time to get ready for that. I'll go with you, Steve." He said

Steve pulled him into a hug then after sitting up. "Thank you, Bucky...you're the greatest friend, I swear."

The word friend made his stomach flop a little. 

"Yeah, what are friends for?" He asked

"...tieing their submissive to the bed and having their wicked way with them?" Steve asked with a slight smirk.

"Don't get cheeky with me, Rogers or I'll have to spank you." 

"And what if that's what I want, sir?"

Bucky decided the binds weren't worth retying at this point, pulling Steve into a kiss as he reached down to grope his ass. He pulled a hand back and slapped his ass, making Steve moan against his lips. This was a happy place, a place safe from any real harm. He repositioned Steve on his lap and did it again, making him moan again and again and again with each strike before he was a moaning mess on Bucky's lap.

"Sir, please...need you, need you so bad. Please sir..." He moaned, grasping the sheets as Bucky ran his hands over the red skin in an attempt to soothe the sting. 

He pulled Steve into a sitting position carefully, sliding into him slowly after using copious amounts of lube. Steve tangled a hand in his hair, riding him up furiously and pulling moans from Bucky's throat as well as his own. He grasped Steve's aching, leaking cock and began to stroke in time with his thrusts. He began to bite and suck on the skin on Steve's neck as it was exposed to him, Steve tilting his head back in pleasure as he became completely lost in everything that was Bucky right now. Scent, sound, feeling. This is where he needed to be, it was everything he needed right now. He just hoped he was able to give Bucky everything he needed. Steve came so hard he nearly blacked out on Bucky's lap. Bucky let him sleep for a few hours before Steve woke up to the feeling of Bucky rubbing lotion where he had spanked Steve.

"Hi.." Steve said, smiling sleepily. It was the best he had slept in a while, honestly, exhaustion having taken over finally. 

"Hey. Sleep well? Just doing some aftercare...you can go back to sleep if you want." Bucky said

Steve shook his head. 

"I couldn't sleep now if I wanted to..." He sighed, speaking the truth. 

Bucky nodded and continued to rub the lotion into his skin. 

"When are we supposed to go out to see your mom?" He asked

"I uh...can we leave Monday?" He asked

Bucky nodded, "We can leave Monday. I think we need to create a story though, like. If we're going to be dishonest, we should do it honestly." 

"Okay. What type of story should we come up with?" Steve asked, rolling over to look at Bucky.

He winced slightly, moving to get a little more comfortable. Bucky wiped his hands on a discarded shirt before laying next to Steve. He rested his head on Bucky's chest, Bucky running his fingers through Steve's hair. 

"How did we meet? Maybe we came back in the same airport...?" Bucky asked

"Or we met through Natasha. Like you were in the army but you had been home for a while and you were staying with Natasha. She introduced us and we knew from first sight...this man was the one, the most important in the room..." Steve muttered. 

Bucky nodded, thinking this could work. What could go wrong?

While all of this went on, Natasha entered the apartment she used to share with Sam. Maybe she did still kind of share it with Sam, maybe she didn't. It didn't feel like she should or that she could which was why she was here now. Sam was there, she saw his car. The shower was running. She took Pongo off of the leash before pulling her hoodie and jacket off. She pulled her hair out of it's bun, removing her clothes and neatly placing them in a pile on the couch. She then went to the bathroom door and opened it carefully so it wouldn't creak before closing it too. She still loved Sam, she really loved Sam and she wanted to know why but she wanted to get this out of the way first. She startled Sam as she got into the shower, the curtain having opened and closed. 

"Natasha...what...?" Sam asked but she shook her head and pulled him into a kiss. 

He kissed her back, immediately pulling her close to him. She missed this, missed him. He had her between him and the shower wall in minutes, her legs wrapped around his waist as he began to thrust upward. She moaned, back arching slightly. They continued on like this until Sam finished, the water having gone cold a little while ago. They were both panting as they stood there in the shower, the cold water hitting his back as she rested her head on his shoulder. 

"Natasha please...I'm sorry. I thought it would be okay...and I was wrong. I should have known better and I didn't..." He said with a catch in his voice. "I miss you..."

She slid off of him before stepping out of the shower. 

"Natasha."

She grabbed a towel before going to their room. She started drying off as quick as she could, grabbing a box too so she could put some of her stuff inside of it. 

"Natasha Romanov, stop."

She froze and looked up at him, tears in her eyes. 

"It isn't okay, it wasn't okay....and I need some time, okay?" She asked

"I got a job offer in California and I said yes."

She dropped the box and towel before sitting on the edge of the bed. He sat next to her and slowly wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She buried her face in his shoulder and cried, she cried really hard before she started cussing in Russian. She pushed him off of the bed and then she laid on top of him and began to kiss him again. He pushed her away though. 

"Natasha...no. I'm not going to let you hurt yourself like this..."

"I just want you, okay? Just give that to me..." She breathed before kissing him again.

They were at it four times before they both ended up falling asleep on the bed. Natasha woke up first and left him with a note. She barely made it to Clint's bar, breaking down crying as she sat in her car. Wanda saw her pull up and frowned, going to get Clint who sat in her car with her and held her as she cried. 

"He's going to California...he's leaving me because I left him." Natasha said before shaking her head and slapping the wheel a few times before Clint pulled her into another hug. 

Natasha spent the rest of the day with Clint, getting home later when Bucky and Steve were asleep. She sighed softly, remembering the bet. She retired to her bed after walking Pongo, crying herself to sleep silently. 

Bucky and Steve left Monday, Natasha and Pongo still at the apartment when they left. They both wished them a safe and happy trip and a happy Christmas too, not telling them about what happened with Sam. Clint was the only one who knew and he knew to give Natasha space sometimes. Not always but sometimes. He would check on her throughout the week, him and Wanda both. Wanda was the sister Natasha never got to have, in a way. As for Bucky...he was nervous, very nervous. Sarah had greeted them, introducing them to her nurse too. Her name was Nancy and she was very helpful towards Sarah where she needed it. She was in hospice, currently laying in bed. 

"So. How did you and Bucky meet?" Sarah asked from her bed, knitting needles to the side on the scarf she was working on. 

Steve and Bucky shared a look. "Bucky should tell it, he does such a better job." Steve said 

Sarah looked eagerly at Bucky then. He reached over and grabbed Steve's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze before talking. 

"Well, Natasha introduced the two of us. I was in the army but I had been home for a while and I was staying with Natasha, she's my cousin. She introduced us and I knew from first sight...this man was the one, the man with the most stunning eyes I'd ever seen and his smile can light up a room. His laugh too, I was just...completely captivated by your son, Miss Rogers." Bucky said, squeezing his hand before pulling it back. 

Sarah smiled slightly, "I'm just glad my Stevie has someone." 

Bucky gave a nod. "I'm a very lucky man, miss."

"Please, call me mom." She said

This made Steve choke on the drink of water he just took. 

"You okay?" She asked him. 

He gave a nod. "I'm going to go get the bags and get settled in." He said, standing and leaving the room.

Bucky followed him, going to help Steve. 

"She doesn't believe us." Steve said as soon as they got outside. 

"We'll have to sell her on the idea then." Bucky said

Steve sighed. 

"I'm lying to my dying mother....the hell is wrong with me..."

"Hey, no. You just want her to be happy. There's nothing wrong with that." Bucky said

They both proceeded in silence, Steve not responding to that even after they got inside. He got them settled into the guest room. 

"Tomorrow night is Christmas. I've got something that will surprise her and maybe even you. Alright? Just trust me. It will be okay." He said

Steve nodded and went downstairs to see his mom. Bucky reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small black box. It was just for show, just to get his mom to believe. Steve would say yes for his mom and he could take it off as soon as they got back to their side of New York. Why did it feel like he was being kicked in the heart then...? 

Sam had half of the apartment in boxes when he came across a black box of his own. He was going to ask Natasha to marry him, he was going to keep a life going here but he knew he couldn't. Tony offered him the job so he tried making things okay again because California would be great. He hoped Nat would have been on board, would have been willing to leave New York behind but the more he thought about it, the more selfish he felt. He was so stupid, so shallow. Here he was with California but not Natasha. He shook his head, sitting on the edge of the bed and sighing. This was all his fault...

Natasha laid in bed. She had just gotten back in from walking Pongo, pillow over her face as she tried to fight off her hangover. Nobody tore her apart like this, ever. Why now? Sam meant a lot to her, she couldn't lie about that. Maybe she imagined a life with him but she just couldn't understand what would be so much more important...and then it hit her. Stark Industries. They were in California. He hurt Steve because of a job opportunity and that isn't the Sam she knew or fell in love with. She sighed and closed her eyes, deciding she could try to sleep now. That would be good. She had to go to work in one piece tomorrow and she realized that she could focus in dancing. As soon as the hangover left her, she could dance her broken heart out, that's what ballet was for...right? 

Clint and Wanda sat the twins down and now they had to figure out how to say this. They loved Clint, adored him...Wanda knew that. Those boys were her world and they had become a part of Clint's world too. 

"Boys. Your mom and I love each other very, very much. You know that..." Clint said

"You're breaking up, aren't you?" Billy asked

"No, no...quite the opposite. Clint asked me to marry him and I said yes." 

Billy hugged Clint immediately as did Tommy, surprising both Wanda and Clint. Wanda smiled then.

"Does this mean Jarvis isn't our dad anymore?" Billy asked, looking up at Clint. 

"No...it just means that you get me as a step-dad." 

Thomas smiled about this and hugged Clint tighter. 

 

"I asked for a family for Christmas...thank you mommy!" He said before running off. Billy followed behind him, not saying much but smiling. 

"I uh...I didn't know about that." Clint said

Wanda shook her head and kissed Clint.  
"A pre-merry merry Christmas." Steve woke up the next morning next to Bucky to the sound of Nancy making Sarah breakfast. He sighed and rolled over onto his side, burying his face into Bucky's chest. Bucky looked down at him. "What's wrong?" "Just exhausted still....still not sleeping too well." "If you keep quiet, I could help you my sweet boy..." Bucky said softly. "Is that a promise?" Steve asked. Bucky slid underneath the blanket and slid Steve's pajama pants down, taking him into his mouth. Steve gasped, biting on the corner of a pillow to keep quiet as Bucky swallowed around him. "Steve, she's walking." Nancy said as she entered the room only to gasp and turn around. Bucky moved quickly to where he was above the sheets and Steve's pants were pulled back up. "She's walking?" Steve asked as he got out of bed as if that hadn't just happened. Bucky had buried his face in a pillow. Nancy gave a nod before peeking behind her. She then turned around and said, "come take a look. She's walking and she wants to see you but she can't do stairs right now. It might make her too light headed." She said, leading Steve downstairs. Bucky was too embarrassed to move. This was going to be one hell of a Christmas.


	4. Separated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve smashes and then Steve smashes with Bucky, whoever that is. 
> 
> Not really.
> 
> Fighting  
> Car Crash  
> Tony Stark  
> All not nice things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky says “he loves me” in Russian to Natasha and I’m sorry if it’s wrong. Russian is rusty.   
> Sorry not sorry.  
> Dedicated to my Foggy

Bucky had everything planned out perfectly, knowing exactly when he was going to drop down onto one knee. He knew this would sell it for Sarah Rogers and he hoped Steve would say yes. He wanted the reaction to be genuine, which was why he hadn’t said anything. He was going to surprise him on purpose and hope it went well. Part of Bucky wished this as a real proposal but part of him knew the truth and knew that would never be. Nancy joined them, keeping an eye on Sarah. Bucky had waited until Sarah opened all of her gifts and that dinner was had before waiting for Steve to go over to the tree for his own gifts and Bucky’s gifts. Bucky didn’t expect to get anything but Sarah had gotten him a sweater and Steve got him something too. He was holding it in his hands, standing straight up when he turned around to see Bucky down on one knee with the black box open and the ring out.

“Bucky….” He gasped 

Steve had wanted this to be real too. He wanted this to be an actual engagement, he wanted Bucky to call him his and for a split second he really thought so but he knew he was wrong. Bucky was keeping an eye on Sarah, who had put a hand over her mouth and had tears in her eyes. This was for his mother, not for him…he couldn’t blame Bucky. It was a smart plan. 

“I know it’s only been 9 months in total but I knew from the moment I saw you that I fell in love with you, that you were the one for me. Steven Grant Rogers, I am with you ‘til the end of the line. Will you marry me?” 

Bucky had hope in his eyes, his heart hammering in his chest as he realized how real he wanted this to be. Maybe he’d make it real but he’d have to talk to Steve. Although that was a big risk but Bucky was ready, Bucky was ready to tell Steve he loved him. Steve nodded, holding his hand out with tears in his eyes. Those tears he thought to be happy were sad tears. He didn’t know this until later when Sarah went to bed. Bucky was helping Steve clean up the wrapping paper mess from earlier that day when things exploded. Steve went and grabbed his jacket as well as the keys.

“Steve…?” 

“Don’t talk to me.”

“Steve, what are you doing?” Bucky asked with a frown.

“Fuck off, Bucky! I love you and you go ahead and just make this proposal up. I’m…I hate you…no. I love you, James Buchanan Barnes, I love you!” He whisper shouted, trying not to wake up his mom before leaving the house.

Bucky fell to his knees, watching him go as his heart hammered loudly. Steve loved him….Steve loved him this whole time, how could he be so blind? He stayed there for quite some time, at least an hour or two passing as he collected his thoughts before beginning to call Steve. Steve had turned his phone off and was speeding off to the lake he used to go to when he was a kid. This was when he ended up having to swerve to miss another car that came out of nowhere, the car trashing into the tree. Steve wasn’t wearing his seat belt, flying through the window and hitting his head pretty hard. The last thing he had remembered was the feeling of metal digging into his leg as well as the feeling of glass digging into him and then everything went dark. The other driver had come out of it unharmed, calling an ambulance immediately as they panicked in a drunken stupor. Bucky had fallen asleep on the couch, drool crusting on his arm as his phone rang. He sat upright quickly and answered it with a sleepy, ‘Steve?’

It was a doctor, telling him Steve had been in a car accident and that it didn’t look good. He was comatose and Bucky rushed off to the hospital with Sarah and Nancy. 

“I’m sorry sir, you have to wait since you’re not family.” The doctor said

“He’s like a son to me and he’s engaged to my son, you better let him in with me, Doctor Banner.” She said, narrowing her eyes at him.

His eyebrows rose as he realized it was Sarah Rogers. He gave a nod and motioned for them to follow him. They did quickly, going to Steve’s room. There were various tubes coming out of him and his leg was held up in a sling as it was broken. He was out cold, the coma obvious as he didn’t react at all. He was frozen entirely in time and Bucky wanted to scream. He wanted to punch the wall, he wanted to throw chairs. His entire being stopped when he saw Tony Star sitting there, flowers by Steve’s bed side.

“Mrs. Rogers…you’re looking well.” Tony said

Bucky was about to lose his shit and he could tell Sarah Rogers was too. Bucky and Sarah shared a look before nodding – this called for special friendship forces that could take down Tony Stark quickly. 

Natasha was finishing up teaching her class when her phone rang. 

“Don’t forget to practice, Suzy.” She told one of her students before answering with a soft, ‘Yasha…’

“Steve was in an accident.” Bucky said before telling her everything else, including the fact Tony was there.

Natasha was already began to lock up the studio after making sure it was empty, preparing to pack and get in her car. 

“Which hospital and what room?” Natasha asked, holding tightly to the phone as she got into her car. 

Natasha Romanov was livid but only Bucky could tell by the tone of her voice and rightfully so. Tony Stark had no right and she was going to put him in his place. 

Sam Wilson had no idea until he checked his email. He had been on a four day weekend and didn’t know what Tony was up to until he called him in via email. Instead, Sam got ready to head to New York. This was a bad idea and Sam was going to put this to an end, no matter what it took…and maybe he would get Natasha back too but above all else, Steve was his friend and he was going to help his friend out. He had reintroduced Tony into their lives to get close to him so he could expose Stark Industries for the fraud they were. He was in the process of exposing them, his lawyer looking it over. That could be put on pause for now though. Sam Wilson was going to swoop in and save the day where he could, sacrifices included. He knew he had given up Natasha and Steve by doing what he did but he did it to get back at Stark and he hoped that would redeem him enough. It was a plan he had been trying to enact for years and now was his chance. He was hoping but sometimes being hopeful was stupid.

Natasha arrived at the hospital and entered the room. She hugged Sarah and Bucky, being warm and friendly with them but as soon as Tony looked at her, she turned cold. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing here?” She asked

“Seeing Steve…the doctor told me he has amnesia and he might only remember back about two, three years…which is when he was with me. I can redeem myself.” He said

Natasha’s fists clenched, “no. I will not allow you to use my friend like that again.” 

“And how do you propose you’re going to stop me?” He asked

Natasha moved faster than even Bucky could anticipate and punched Tony in the nose. 

“Go home, Stark.” She said, flexing her now slightly swollen knuckles. 

Tony held his nose, shocked. He couldn’t believe she hit him and frowned before leaving the room but they all knew they weren’t done with Tony. Nancy had left the room briefly and came back with some ice for her knuckles, smiling slightly. 

“I never liked Stark Industries…they’ve no dignity, stealing ideas. But I’m not one who should be talking. Besides, Bucky proposed to Steve and I think that’s great. I just hope he remembers…” Nancy said before shooting Bucky a look.

In that moment, Bucky knew she saw and heard Steve storm off, heard him call it fake. He swallowed and looked away. This was going to be a very long week. Dr. Banner walked in, looking a little distressed.

“Is it true? Does my boy have amnesia, Dr. Banner?” Sarah asked with tears in her eyes. 

He nodded and sighed. 

“I’m afraid so…he’s comatose and won’t remember much when he wakes up. If he wakes up…he took a lot of brain damage, Mrs. Rogers…all we can do is hope and if you believe in a higher power, I’d pray.” He said

She nodded and grabbed the rosary that she had brought with her, closing her eyes and silently praying. Dr. Banner gave a sympathetic smile and left the room. Bucky fell into a chair and looked at Natasha.

“он любит меня…” He said to Natasha. 

“Yasha…” she responded with a frown. 

Silence fell in the room, the beeping sound of the monitor being their only comfort at this point. Steve would make it out alright, Bucky knew that…or so he hoped. He was a stubborn fighter so all Bucky could do was hope. He took Steve’s hand and squeezed it gently. 

“And I love you too…” He whispered to Steve, tears forming in his eyes.

It was too late. Steve’s eyes fluttered open three days later and he sat straight up, making Sarah roll her wheel chair out into the hall and call for Dr. Banner or a nurse. Bucky was sleeping in the chair, holding his hand. Steve panicked and pulled his hand out of Bucky’s, waking him up. Tony had also been there, unfortunately. He looked at him and grabbed his hand, making Tony smile slightly. 

“Hey…” He said softly

“What happened? Where am I?” Steve asked

“Steve.” Natasha said, entering the room quickly with Dr. Banner behind her. 

“Everybody besides Sarah Rogers out. Now.” He demanded, eyes flaring with something.

Everybody went out quickly, not wanting to upset him. The only other person exempt from leaving was Natasha but she was like his sister and he seemed to demand she stay. Bucky glared at Tony. 

“It’s over for you kid.” Tony said

“Fuck off, Stark.”

“No, Barnes. You need to fuck off…he’s not going to remember you, accept that and move on. It’s better for you.” He said in reply, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Tony, Steve is asking for you.” Dr. Banner said after going out into the hall. He then turned to Bucky and shook his head.

“I’m sorry…he doesn’t remember you. When Sarah mentioned you gave him the ring instead of Tony, he asked who the hell you were…I’m sorry.” He said

Bucky felt his heart drop into his stomach, glaring at Tony even more now. Natasha came out of the hospital room and attacked Tony, throwing the first punch. He groaned and doubled over as the punch was to his gut. She pushed him down then and began to kick him continually before she was restrained by Bruce Banner. She struggled against him but he managed to make her stop. She was crying, flailing against him.

“How dare you?!” She screamed as security came around the corner.

Tony was on the floor, glaring up at her. Bruce waved off security and pulled Natasha into his office. Bucky shook his head and waited for security to leave before punching Tony again after the man stood. It rebroke his nose, making him groan out in pain as blood splattered against his own shirt. Bucky shook his head.

“I hope you burn in hell…if you ever hurt him again, I swear to god your nose is the last thing you’re going to be worrying about.” Bucky said before going to the elevator. 

Tony went to seek medical help. Natasha was crying in Bruce’s office, and Sam was getting off of his plane. Steve spoke with his mother and Nancy sat somberly in the corner. Everything was falling apart so quickly…if only there was a way to fix it. Bucky went back to the house, getting the car and driving back to the apartment. It was silent, the kitchen tile cold against his skin. He had cracked a window and was listening to The Smith’s, smoking a cigarette as he let reality sink in. Bucky was going to move back to Romania, move back to where Steve wasn’t. He was without Steve and for the first time in 9 months, Bucky and Steve were separated. No more memories, no more scenes, no more dinners, no more anything. Steve was gone…forever. Bucky let a sob escape his lips but fought the tears, letting the smoke escape in the sobs that left his lips.

||Don’t try to wake me in the morning ‘cause I will be gone. Don’t feel bad for me, I want you to know deep in the cell of my heart, I will feel so glad to go||


	5. Call Off Your Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slight PTSD warning ahead. Ever so slight  
> Steve begins to remember  
> Things might be okay  
> I'm about done with all these feels  
> I almost made myself cry  
> Good luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is a song by Dessa.  
> Feelings continue. Dedicated to my Foggy. I can’t be tamed. Not beta’d…nothing is really ever beta’d but if anybody wants to, I’m open to volunteers. I Lied by Electric Century is another song I’ve listened to while writing this. It’s more for the flash backs as well as the song How It’s Going to Be by Gerard Way.

Bucky’s apartment was a bunch of cardboard boxes at this point, the man on the kitchen floor again. He had seen Steve everywhere – the shower where his pajamas were left on the floor. His submissive collar on the kitchen counter, his scent on the sheets, and his beer in Bucky’s fridge as well as the cigarettes Bucky was smoking. He knew the dumbass had asthma but he still ran and smoked cigarettes every now and again. He couldn’t be in this apartment because it felt like he had asthma when he was there. He closed his eyes, the very eyes lined with sleep deprivation and missing Steve. He was set to go home with Tony, Natasha had told him in a phone call. She would be on her way to LA with Sam, who had told her everything. They had reconciled and she decided to help him but they were still broken up. She did stop by to say goodbye to Bucky. She had hugged him tightly, telling him he always had a home there but it wasn’t home without Steve. New York wasn’t home anymore at all. 

Steve’s leg stayed wrapped up. He was with Tony in his mom’s house, in the bed he was in with Bucky but a week ago. He didn’t remember how he got there or why but it was a comfort. They explained what happened to Steve and he understood but it still frustrated him, still upset him. He thought he was still in college but knew he wasn’t, he knew times had changed. His mom kept bringing up Bucky despite Steve’s headaches, anything to get him to remember. 

“Who the hell is Bucky?” Steve asked her one day, angry through calm composure. 

“You don’t remember but he’s important.” She would say each and every single time he asked. 

Steve stayed frustrated and he also didn’t know how sick Sarah was. He was up late one night, holding a shirt that this Bucky left behind. It oddly brought him comfort while Tony made him feel uneasy. He had hobbled down to the kitchen, eating the ice cream out of the carton when he heard a thud come from Sarah’s room. 

“Ma?” He asked as he stood. He used his crutches to rush as fast as he could to her room. Nancy was already on the phone, calling for backup as she tried to use CPR to revive Sarah. Steve pushed her to the side and began to perform CPR until his asthma acted up. Tony was sound asleep as this went on. Steve going to call Natasha only to see this Bucky had left him four messages. He ignored them and called Natasha. 

“Steve?” She asked over the receiver, tone sleepy. 

“My mom collapsed, I…I’m scared, Nat…please. Where are you?”

Bucky’s apartment wasn’t a good answer. She was staying the night before heading out to California. 

“With my cousin…I’m on my way, okay? I’ll meet you.” 

“Hospital, go to the hospital.” Steve said before hanging up.

He didn’t think of going upstairs to wake up Tony, the man not even in his mind as he sat in the back of the ambulance with Nancy and Sarah. She was out cold and Steve was scared. He got a really bad headache, head resting against the cold glass when he really began to crave Chinese food. Now wasn’t the time though and he was confused. Why Chinese food? He pulled his phone out and looked at the missed messages again but ignored them again as they got to the hospital. He had started to follow them into the ER when a headache pierced through his brain and he fell to his knees. Natasha had showed up then, going to his side. 

It was a sunny Tuesday and Steve was in the fetal position on the ground while he felt someone kick his ribs. He felt pain, freedom, nearly ready to let go and accept death as he coughed up blood when the kicking stopped. The bullies were on their ass in seconds, a redhead offering her hand to him. She helped him up and took him to the nurse before having to take him to the hospital. He saw the same flash of red hair as she pulled him into a hug. They were in an airport and then there was nothing before he woke up in his own hospital bed. He knew Natasha; it was Natasha…what was missing in these memories? What was he missing? He looked around then. 

“Where’s my mom?” he asked Natasha

“She’s fine…they stabilized her but she’s in coma and they don’t know if she’s going to come out of it…” Natasha said before sighing.

“Fine?! That’s not so fine, Nat!” He said in a rush, feeling nauseated. 

Steve laid back against the pillows and closed his eyes. A throbbing headache again, everything went black. Bucky was currently elsewhere, drinking coffee by himself at the apartment. He had cleaned out the room where they kept their toys, the lube, everything that was a safe haven and he had set the collar on the counter but now he held it in his hands. He tossed it into the box, sighing loudly before going to get another cup of coffee. His phone rang, showing Natasha across the screen. 

“Yes?” He answered as he poured sugar into the cup. 

“Sarah’s in coma and Steve keeps blacking out, waking up with memories. You need to get down here immediately…” She said

“Natasha, no…he doesn’t need that confusion, he doesn’t need me there when he has Tony. He doesn’t need me…he doesn’t remember me, I’m just not a part of his life and it’s my fault. I made him get in that car accident, Nat…it’s my fault.” He said, sliding down the kitchen counter and sitting on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest now.

“James Buchanan Barnes, you are not a man who gives up easily. You love Steve Rogers and I know you will do anything in your power to get him back. You are not going to let Anthony Stark defeat you, do you hear me? You don’t give up like this…you’ve only given up one other time and I won’t allow that to happen again. I love you Yasha, you can do this…do it for Steve.” She said

Bucky sat there and contemplated what she said before nodding, even though she couldn’t see him. 

“I’m on my way.” He said before hanging up.

He stood and looked at the boxes around him before grabbing the photo album, the collar, and Steve’s iPod. He had been listening to it ever since he got home from Sarah’s house. He had a playlist for Bucky and Bucky felt stupid, Bucky felt tired, Bucky mostly felt done with everything. He walked into that hospital, ignoring Tony as he stood to go straight to Steve’s room with the items in a small plastic bag. Security had to check it but Bucky didn’t really care right now. He just cared about Steve and getting him back. Steve sat up when he came into the room, eyes blood shot and wide. He was obviously in a lot of pain from his head and it worried Bucky. 

“Hey Steve…” He said softly 

“Who are you?” Steve replied, tone just as soft. 

“My name is James Buchanan Barnes…I mostly go by Bucky or Yasha though. You knew me before the accident. I have proof, right here.” 

Wanda was sitting by his bed side but stood when Bucky came into the room. Clint had taken the boys down to the cafeteria to give Steve some peace of mind against his headache. He seemed fond of the boys, Wanda, and Clint but no memories came up. She wasn’t sure what Bucky was doing here until he spoke of memories. She wanted to tell him it wasn’t worth it, that he had forgotten Bucky but some sort of recognition and confusion came across Steve’s face as he looked at the photo album. There were pictures at the airport, pictures in the apartment. Wanda stayed silent as she focused her attention between the two men. Natasha was currently keeping Tony out of the room with the help of Dr. Banner. She had explained the situation to him, letting him know it would be best if Tony stayed away from Steve for a few moments while Bucky tried. 

“That picture right there is from the bar Clint owns. That’s Sam, Natasha, me, you, Wanda, and Clint. We would hang out a lot, me and you…and them too. We were like this family I never got to have.” Bucky said as he stood beside Steve, pointing out the pictures.

He looked up at Bucky after a few more pictures, tears in his eyes.

“We were all so happy…and I can’t remember any of it but I want to because you’re smiling and I’m smiling. I want to remember you all because you all seem to care so much about me...even you. I remember the first night after I woke up after the accident. You were asleep by my bed for the first three nights and then it seemed you drifted away after Tony interfered. You broke his nose though…he told me it’s because you hate him, which I wouldn’t doubt. He can be an asshole sometimes, you know?” Steve said as a slightly fond smile found his lips but it went away quickly. 

“Who were you to me?” Steve asked after a few moments of silence. 

Bucky grabbed the iPod and handed it to Steve along with the blue collar he used to wear. 

“Figure it out, Steve. I need you to figure it out…before you got into the accident, we were with your mom.” He said

Steve shook his head, “Tony and I are here though with her and we’re engaged…I don’t understand. What is this?” He asked, frowning at the iPod and collar 

“Steve, please…I am begging you, please try to remember…that engagement ring isn’t from Tony and I meant it. I was pretending at the time but now I mean it and I mean it too late. I love you, Steve…please. You loved me too…the you before the accident, the you that had moved on from Tony. He did some bad stuff, please Steve.” He said softly as tears filled his own eyes.

“Get out.” Steve said, feeling nauseated with another headache coming on. 

“Steve…”

“Just get out…” Steve responded, curling against the pillows in pain. 

Bucky shook his head and left the room, leaving the album and iPod and collar with Steve. He passed Natasha, Tony, and Dr. Banner.

“He’s mine now, Barnes.”

“Not if I have a say.” He spat at Tony before going to get on the elevator.

This was where he ran into Sam. 

“Got a minute?” Bucky asked

Sam nodded and stayed in the elevator, ready to listen to whatever Bucky had to say. He had been on Bucky’s team this entire time when it came to Tony, he couldn’t help it. Bucky was a good guy…he just hoped it didn’t go wrong. As this went on, Steve was having a nightmare. He had blacked out not long after Bucky left and all he could see was guns, explosions, war. Pure warfare that had happened after Tony left…it caused him to panic, his heart racing a mile a minute as the doctors rushed to try and wake him, to try and calm him down. Wanda was panicking and so was Natasha. Tony didn’t know what was going on because this was after Tony was gone. Natasha called Bucky but he didn’t pick up and so she sat on the edge of the bed and began to run her fingers through his hair. 

Steve was suddenly in a college dorm. It was him and Tony, Tony crying. 

“Please Steve, you have to believe I only meant well. Your mom is sick and I tried to help her, the medicine…it was supposed to cure her. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make things worse. You’ve got to believe me.” 

“Go to hell, Stark!” Steve shouted before throwing him out of the dorm. He shut the door and slid down it, crying.

Steve watched this happen as if he wasn’t here, as if he had been there. Everything faded back into black. 

“Steve…?” Natasha spoke softly. 

He opened his eyes and saw her sitting on the hospital bed. He sat up and pointed at Tony.

“What did you do to my mother?”

“Steve, I don’t know what you’re talking about…” Tony said, beginning to look nervous.

“You gave her medicine, said you made her worse. I remember, Tony. What did you do to my mother?” He asked, grasping the bed sheets so hard they might rip.

“I gave her medication, off the market and under the counter. I gave it to her, guaranteed it would be the cure for her…they were wrong. I’m sorry, Steve. I’ve been sorry every single day.” He said

“Sorry doesn’t fix this. She’s dying…it’s your fault, isn’t it? You helped this progress, didn’t you?” Steve asked, tears forming in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Steve…please. I love you, Steve.” Tony said

“Get him out of here…” He said weakly. 

Tony was pulled out of the room by Dr. Banner, thoroughly defeated all of a sudden. Steve then looked at Natasha.

“Nat…he was there. I had a PTSD dream and I was in the war after Tony left but he was there. I remember him comforting me to go back to sleep. Who is he? Who is Bucky?” Steve asked

Natasha smiled slightly and sat on the edge of the bed before beginning to tell him everything she knew from Chinese food up to the accident. He looked at the stuff Bucky left, putting the headphones in and clicking play on the playlist titled ‘Bucky.’ Natasha went to find Bucky and tell him the good news. 

“Sam, have you seen Bucky?” She asked as she passed him in the hall. 

“He’s talking to the head of medicine right now. He’s trying to get the okay to take Steve home as soon as he stops blacking out.” Sam said

Natasha nearly grinned, “Tony just left. He remembers, Sam. He remembers the war and he remembers what Tony did. He’s progressed so much…maybe Bucky can help.” She said

Sam smiled too. Maybe they could get Steve back or maybe they could try. Bucky wasn’t going down without a fight, not anymore. He had given up after the war, wanting to give up on his life. This was before he met Steve and Steve was his reason to fight as he remembered a promise he made to him a long time ago.

“I’m with you ‘till the end of the line.”


	6. Longing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve remembers bits and pieces and starts to play "Real or not?" with Bucky.
> 
> Natasha and Sam try to make amends.
> 
> Tony will not go down quietly...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing this while incredibly sick, a little high on cough sysurp, and there's a tropical storm coming in so I'm hype about that. Not beta'd, although I'm considering one Foggy/Quinn to maybe take a look if she's got any spare time...hint hint, Quinn...hint hint.   
> So since I've been away for a while, I read back through to see where I left off and ended up giving myself the feels. Look at me messing myself up, silly me. It's been months but it's time to put this story to rest and finish it up. This is not the last chapter, I estimate there will be around 20 chapters or maybe a few less.  
> Steve isn't as well as he seems.  
> Nothing is as well as it seems.  
> I'm sorry not sorry.

After a long, irritating, and exhausting nearly legal battle with the hospital head of medicine, Bucky had gotten the okay to take Steve home. He would have taken him back to Sarah's but he had to take Steve somewhere he had been before, somewhere familiar. He took him back to his own apartment, Natasha still staying there. Her and Sam had gone to get coffee down in the hospital caffeteria. Bucky went to tell Natasha he was leaving but figured he could send her a text message when he saw how silent and tense it was between the two of them. Sam had helped Bucky get the rights to take Steve home, saying they were fiances and threatening to call in a lawyer. 

Steve had still blacked out a few times but Dr. Banner said to call only if he had slipped back into a coma again. Steve seemed hesitant at first, taking his time with changing into some of his clothes. He stared at the iPod, the collar tucked away in his bag. He put his headphones in and pushed play on the playlist, closing his eyes for a few moments before a nurse came in and gently touched his shoulder - Nancy. He turned to her and gave a nod, taking the headphones out. He went to see Sarah one more time, gently touching her hand. The machines beeped but she didn't respond. The chemo had stopped working and she fell into a heavy coma, they didn't think she would wake up again. Steve couldn't remember the last time he had honestly seen her unless it was before college and the thought made him tear up.

"I'm sorry ma...I'm so sorry I can't remember. I wish I knew what you thought about all of this, about this James Bucky guy and about me going off to war, about everything. I wish I knew more. I love you and I'll visit when I can...the doctors say I'm doing better but you don't seem to be so good. I want to visit...can we visit more?" Steve asked, turning to Bucky now.

He had been standing in the doorway for a few moments, just listening to Steve talk to him.   
"Sure...of course, whenever you want to come back Steve, we can. I promise." Bucky said with a slight smile. 

Steve gave a nod, "Thank you...Bucky? I think that's what I called you...?" He asked

"Yeah, you called me Bucky because my middle name is Buchanan. Natasha calls me Yasha...are you ready to go or do you need more time?" He asked

"I would love to stay but the sooner we get back, the sooner I can start to remember." Steve said

"Are you sure you're ready?"

Silence followed, Steve giving an affirming nod. He was ready to go back, to see what once was and see if it triggered any memories. Dr. Banner told him to rest a lot and again to call if he needed anything. He would also keep in touch about his mom. He still had headaches but they put him on pain killers for that, one being popped into his mouth on the drive back to the apartment. Music played in the background, it sounded familiar but Steve couldn't tell from where. He leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes, beginning to fall asleep. 

It was a rainy night, Steve carrying Chinese food as he jogged up to Natasha's apartment. He knocked on the door, hoping the lo mein wasn't drenched now. He didn't expect James to open the door but he did.   
"Oh hi...is Natasha home?" He asked, shifting his weight a little as he tucked an arm back around the brown bag.

"No, she's taking extra hours at work lately and I think she has a date tonight. You can still come in and wait for her though, if you want to. I don't think she'll be too long...and I'm just here watching a movie." He said with a shrug

Steve entered the apartment and put the food on the table, realizing Natasha was going to be out late if she had a date after working at the ballet studio. 

"Hey..do you like Chinese food? I got it for me and Natasha but she's probably going to eat if she's out...plus she might be a little late." Steve said, gesturing to the brown bag awkwardly.

If he had said James Buchanan Barnes was ugly, he would be lying. The man had a nice set of eyes...and a nice ass, that was currently being defined by a pair of yoga pants. Bless the person that invented yoga pants. He realized he was staring at his ass and looked away, blushing slightly. James smirked a little, having caught Steve in the act.

"Sure, Chinese food is good. Have you ever seen Pulp Fiction? It's one of my favorite movies but I could put another movie on if you'd prefer." He replied, smirk replaced by a stoic expression.

This could end up being a really fun night. James and Steve had settled in, Steve proclaiming his love for Pulp Fiction by quoting Samuel L. Jackson. He ended up sitting on the couch next to James, eating his not soggy vegetable lo mein as they let silence fall around them. James took the rice and general tso chicken that Steve had gotten Natasha. It was comforting and nice. 

"What is that?" He asked as he pointed at the lo mein.

"Vegetable lo mein, it's the best ever. Want a bite?"

James shrugged, as if to say 'why not?' and leaned forward to take a bite. Awkward Steve, not knowing that he meant why not, leaned forward and kissed James gently as he turned bright red. He pulled away, realizing this is not what James meant as he just sat there stiff and wide eyed.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I got confused...I wanted to..."

James cut him off by putting his food down and pulled Steve into another kiss. 

"It's okay...I've been waiting for that, honestly." He said, having pulled away for just a moment to pull the lo mein out of Steve's hands before kissing him again.

"Steve?" Bucky asked, shaking him gently.

"Hm...?" Steve asked, waking up from his dream. It had to all be a dream...right? That couldn't be real, Steve wasn't *that* awkward...was he? 

"We're here." Bucky said, getting out of the car after cutting off the engine.

Steve had been asleep for some time, although he hadn't blacked out. Bucky hoped that meant great things...at least for now. He wondered what Steve was dreaming about though because the man ended up blushing slightly and placing his messenger bag over his own crotch. Bucky ignored it, stoic expression in place as he helped get his and Steve's stuff into the apartment. Natasha still wasn't there, which meant she was still talking to Sam. The two of them had gone from the hospital to the airport. The silence had turned into stale conversation eventually about Steve and Sarah, Bucky too.

"So...what are you going to do now?" She asked, walking him to his gate.

"I'm going to go back to California and finish what I started. I originally invited Tony here to give him a false impression...I never meant to hurt anybody in the process but I'm afraid that was inevitable. I'm going to put Tony out of business once and for all. He's got a lot of fraud up his sleeves...I wanted to take him down when I noticed he was stealing from the company I was working for here. That's all I wanted to do...I still love you, Natasha and if you'll have me....I want to come back to you after everything is said and done but I understand if there's nothing left. I want to give you the life you deserve, the apartment and dog. Maybe adopt a few kids if you want to, you've talked about it before...and I want to change your last name. But I messed up and I don't deserve your kindness, your love...so I'll be back but if you want me to leave you alone, I will." 

Natasha had teared up at that, smacking him before throwing her arms around his neck. 

"God damn it, Sam Wilson...I hated you, I was so very mad at you. I wanted to keep hating you...you're such an asshole, why didn't you tell me what you were doing? I could have helped you or I could have waited for you...I love you still, of course I want to give you a place to come home to but you have to earn it back, do you hear me? I was so mad...I was seeing red and then I got really sad thinking that was the end of everything we worked for. You betrayed me so deeply...I won't just give it back to you but I love you..." She said, pulling away from him then.

"I love you too, Nat.." Sam said, smiling slightly as a mark began to form on his cheek where she slapped him.

She leaned up and kissed his cheek, "let me know if you get to California safe. I need to check on Yasha and Steve." 

He gave a salute and turned to walk away before stopping and walking back to her. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer, if that was even possible. He pulled away after a few moments, smiling slightly. 

"Dinner? When I return...? I'll be back in a few months...but I'll visit for New Years." Sam said, letting her go the rest of the way.

"Dinner...don't be late or I'll kill you." She said

"I don't doubt that." He grinned, earning a slight smile from her.

He turned to get on the plane, Natasha turning to leave him again. Her heartached but in a different way, a weird way. Sam wanted to marry her but she was still betrayed, still mad. They both hoped time could heal those wounds. Until then, they both would be left with longing.

Meanwhile, Bucky and Steve had made their own dinner. They ordered pizza, the two of them eating it as they watched Pulp Fiction.

"Hey...I had this weird dream earlier." Steve said

"What was it about?" Bucky asked

"You and me...we were watching Pulp Fiction and I kissed you all awkwardly. Real or not?" He asked

Bucky froze. He hadn't expected Steve to ask what had happend and what hadn't, they didn't prepare Bucky for this. He hadn't prepared himself for this and looked back at Steve for a moment before answering him.

"Real." 

The two of them fell into an awkard silence then, eating their pizza and watching the movie. This wasn't how it went last time, nothing was as it was last time. This left room for longing, deep within Bucky's heart as he began to blame himself. If he didn't fake the engagement without talking to Steve first, he would have never been in the car accident. He longed for what once was, longed for it all to be real. To be able to finally tell Steve that he loved him yet they sat in silence. Natasha had come in right as the movie ended, walking Pongo before heading for a shower.

Bucky had decided to give Steve his bed, sleeping on the couch. Natasha had taken the quest room again, although she protested Bucky sleeping on the couch. He said he didn't mind, but him and Natasha both knew that was a lie. They both knew he wanted to be in there with Steve but that wouldn't happen, not tonight. So it seemed. Steve had thanked him and dozed off to sleep quickly, the satin sheets smelling like a familiar cologne smell. Probably Bucky, although he wasn't quite sure what their relationship was yet. He put the iPod he was given into his ears and closed his eyes as sleep took over him.

"Swan Lake, really?" Steve asked, a mocking glimmer in his eyes.

"Ballet is a beautiful art, Swan Lake is an artistic form of expression...and my students want to learn this dance." He said with a shrug

"I don't know if I'm limber enough for this, Buck."

"Oh trust me, Steve...you're very limber." He said with a smirk.

Steve rolled his eyes, "Alright. Shall we?..." 

"Do you know this one? I'm a little impressed, Rodgers."

"I will have you know my mother loves Swan Lake." He retorted

Steve was startled awake when the song changed from Tschakovsky to "I've Had the Time of My Life." It made him smile slightly as he realized this could be real, entirely real. Steve stood and went out into the living room.  
"Bucky?" He asked, still holding the iPod.

Bucky rolled over and looked at Steve, curious as to what he wanted. "yes?"

"Swan Lake and Dirty Dancing..real or not?" He asked

"Real." Bucky replied, sitting up now as he realized Steve had another memory dream.

"Sleep with me tonight." He said, holding his hand out.

Bucky was a little surprised by the request but stood and nodded, taking his hand. Longing lingered, longing stayed there. Even as Steve turned away from him, no intentions of spooning. Bucky did the same, not wanting to be tempted. It was a move in the right direction but Dr. Banner did warn that Steve could wake up in a confusion. He hoped not...he really, really hoped not. 

Longing.   
The nausea set in his stomach, the alcohol resting in it too as he stared at the paperwork in front of him. He was going to be arrested but Tony wouldn't have that. He stood from his desk and began to pack. Tony wasn't going down without a fight...and certainly not without Steve.


	7. Rusted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few sexy times.  
> An unfortunate truth.  
> A discovery.  
> And fear, lots of fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of love/hate this. Not beta'd.   
> This seems to be moving very quickly but there's a reason for that, and you'll all see why in this chapter.   
> Bucky and Steve finally - finally do the thing.  
> Hope you all like so far :D

Bucky's fears came true, Steve startling awake and hurrying out of bed before grabbing his pillow as a defense weapon. 

"Who the hell are you and where am I?!" He demanded. 

"Bucky...Steve, it's me...Bucky. You're in my apartment." Bucky said, standing up and taking a step away from Steve as he held his hands up in a surrendering motion.

Natasha busted into the room, Steve running behind her. She looked very confused as to what had happened or why it was happening. 

"We'll talk later...come on Steve, lets go get coffee and you can tell me the last thing you remember, okay?"

Steve nodded and followed Natasha out into the kitchen. Bucky stood there, his heart sinking into his stomach. He had to get out of here, he couldn't breathe here or live here. He felt like everything he loved and cared about died. He looked over at his laptop and got an idea, writing Natasha a note to show Steve the videos on the computer before packing a bag up and climbing out of the window and down the fire escape. Steve and Natasha were oblivious as he got into his car and drove away. He had to get out of there, to go somewhere safe. He ended up going to Clint's bar to get a couple of drinks. He remembered having a drinking problem from before but he couldn't be bothered to not drink today, keeping to himself even though he knew he could have talked to Clint.

Wanda was worried, she was always worried about everybody here. Steve couldn't remember much and Bucky seemed as if he had a heart, sitting in there and rusting. She shared a look with Clint when they noticed that Bucky seemed to get a bit faded from drinking. Clint was going to cut him off but the look he gave the man made him sigh and give in to at least one more drink. He would go to a different bar if Clint didn't keep giving him drinks and Clint didn't want anything bad to happen to another one of their friends. Wanda had put her kids to bed, letting them know it wasn't the best time to talk to Uncle Bucky.

Shot after shot after drink. He knew better than to mix his alcohols but he did so anyways. He eventually passed out on the bar, Clint and Wanda moving him to the couch in the lounge and covering him up with a blanket. This was something that began happening nightly, Bucky running away to his bar every day. He woke up and would vomit before drinking again. Clint didn't let this last more than a few days before cutting him off after one drink.

"No more, you're done." He said

"Clint..." He said

"No, drinking isn't going to solve your problems. You're not going to get Steve to remember anything by sitting here, drinking your life away." Clint said, taking the glass from Bucky and pouring out the whiskey.

Bucky frowned slightly, eyes bloodshot from being drunk and hungover but also from being sad and exhausted.

"There's no point...I'm done for, Clint. He doesn't remember me, he doesn't want to...he would start asking me 'real or not'? And I'd answer with 'real' when it was really something that happened but he woke up and didn't know who I was or where he was. I know it takes progress but I'm leaving town, Clint...I'm going to go stay with Sam for a while. I've already got my ticket, just biding my time here at the bar. I leave tomorrow morning..." He said

"Then at least sober up before you leave." Wanda said, frowning slightly. 

Bucky gave a nod, "fair enough. You got any water back there?"

Clint tossed him a bottle and he caught it. Natasha had walked in a few minutes later and walked up to Bucky before punching him so hard he fell out of the chair. She punched him again and again and again before he grabbed her fist when she went to do it again. 

"What the hell?!"

"You left...I got your note and I was hesitant at first but I showed him the videos. I showed him what once was between you two and he just started to space off before going to see Sarah. She passed away last night and he started crying. They're having the funeral soon...and Steve woke up, crying for you. He remembers you somewhat, you just have to be patient and leaving him won't make him remember."

"Maybe I'm done trying, Nat...I'm not as strong as you think I am." He said, frowning slightly. 

"I know what you feel...you're lost, gone, you're blaming yourself. You're longing and rusted. You're holding onto a memory but you have to let it go because Steve might never go back to old Steve but he's still Steve inside. He takes his coffee the same, he still loved his mother, and he's aching right now and god so help me and you both, Barnes...if you don't clean yourself up and go see him I will make sure you regret the decision to leave in the first place." Natasha said, going to punch him again.

He didn't grab her fist this time and let her do it. This broke his nose, blood splattering on the floor. Clint pulled Natasha off of him and Bucky just laid there. He had a black eye forming from when she hit him before and then the broken nose. He sat up and looked at her, blood running down his lips. 

"He doesn't need me..." 

Natasha frowned and saw him, saw straight through him. 

"Lets get him to the hospital..." Wanda said softly but Bucky shook his head and grabbed his bag by the couch. 

Clint held Natasha back, "let him go...just let him go. He'll come to his senses or he won't."

"You're just going to give up on him?" Natasha asked, astonished a little.

"No...but he's given up on himself and so there isn't much we can do." Clint said, frowning slightly as they watched him go.

Bucky wasn't prepared to see Steve. He had come to the bar with Natasha and was leaning against her car. He looked tired, eyes bloodshot too. Steve walked over to Bucky and pulled him into a hug. 

"I lost her...don't make me lose you too. I know I'm not me....or the me you knew but I saw everything from dancing to the sex tape to everything. You loved me very dearly and part of me thinks you do still love me very dearly...just give me time, a chance. Please, Buck..I'm with you, isn't that what you said? I'm with you 'til the end of the line." Steve said as he pulled Bucky close.

Bucky dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around Steve, trying not to cry. It failed though as he buried his face in Steve's shoulder. He cancelled his flight to California that night, texting Sam that he wouldn't be coming now. Sam would be home soon, coming back to visit. New Years was in a week. Nobody was expecting Tony to follow Sam, nobody was expecting anything that was about to transpire. 

Wanda had just tucked her kids in, pressing a gentle kiss to their foreheads each before going to place her head on Clint's chest. 

"Do you think everything will be okay?" She asked

"Yeah...eventually." Clint replied, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close.

She sat up for a moment before pulling her nightgown over her head. She then slid her hands under his shirt as she leaned down to kiss him. Everything would be okay...with time, she believed that. She just hoped their attempt for another child would work out, would go through. There was certainly someone, somewhere else who had a surprise. Natasha was sitting on the lid of the toilet, stomach churning as she let the two tests sit on the sink. She was infertile, they told her so. There was such a small chance but it was so tiny, so very tiny. Apparently she was that 1% though because both tests came back positive. Natasha felt numb, she wanted to be happy but Sam wasn't in the picture right now and what if he didn't redeem himself? He would have to do a lot and she knew Steve and Bucky could have but Steve wasn't entirely there and Bucky was recovering from that too.

She swallowed her tears, burying the tests in the trashbin before going back to bed. Steve had been the first awake, going for a run at 6am. Bucky stayed in bed, all day. Steve figured running could clear his head, could take his mind off of everything but it didn't. Natasha had gone to the store to get them more food and Bucky was going to go with her but she insisted he didn't have to force it. Not today. Steve had come home from his run to find Bucky still in bed and frowned slightly. He had a thought, remembering something he used to do. He wondered if it would free his mind...if he wanted it. Well, he knew he wanted it. Steve would be lying if he said he hadn't jacked off to the thought of Bucky for the last week or so. There was certainly a history there and an attraction. 

Steve made sure Natasha was gone before stripping down and wearing the black tight shorts, blue collar on. He walked into the bedroom and swallowed his doubts when he saw Bucky just laying there as if he was lifeless. He climbed over to him and slid under the covers next to him. Steve slid the black shorts off, an idea popping into his head as he wrapped a hand around his throbbing cock. He didn't bother swallowing the noises, Bucky startling awake. 

"Steve?"

"Sir...please, I need you...please, want you to take me there. Take me to that place, no worries or cares. I remember that...I want to try it again. please..." He said, practically begging for real.

"Steve, please...I don't want to take advantage of you."

"I've thought of you every night...thought about those sex tapes we made. I think about what we did and how liberating it must have been. I've touched myself to the thought of you...just like this." Steve said

Bucky swallowed at the thought, feeling aprehension still.

"I'll just get myself off with you watching if you don't do anything. I don't care." He said, groaning slightly in pleasure as he squeezed the head. 

"I don't want you to wake up and forget this..." He said with a frown.

"I won't...I've stopped forgetting you. Only you, honestly....I don't know why. You left and went to the bar, I remember that. I remember finding you. I remember you in the hospital telling me to remember with the collar and iPod. I don't fully remember what happened though...but I'm trying, I want to try. Please...give me a chance." He pleaded with Bucky. 

Bucky swatted his hand away, earning a whimper from Steve. He leaned down and took Steve into his mouth, making the man moan. Bucky kept at it, letting Steve cum in his mouth. He swallowed it and pulled away with a gentle popping sound. He moved up the bed then, Steve reaching into his pants to grasp him but Bucky stopped him. 

"You said to give you a chance...I want proof. When we wake up tomorrow, I want to know you remember that..." He said. 

"Okay. " Steve sighed, curling up against Bucky. 

Bucky went entirely stiff for a moment before wrapping his arms around Steve. He removed the blue collar and placed it on the nightstand. He didn't own Steve, not anymore. The thought made his heart drop into his stomach. This was still his fault, all his fault.

"Hey...can I ask you something?" Steve asked

"Sure, anything." He responded

"What happened to your arm?" He asked

Bucky sat there in silence, trying to figure out how to explain. He hadn't really talked about it outloud for years. 

"I lost it...in the war." He said 

Natasha came to mind then, saying she had a cousin in the Russian army. Steve gave a nod. 

"But you got this arm too...the tattoo is cool. Was it a part of your arm?"

Bucky nodded, wrapping his arms around Steve. 

"Do you remember anything about the war?" He asked

Steve nodded, "I have dreams again...PTSD dreams, so my therapist says." 

"When did you start seeing a therapist?" Bucky asked, frowning slightly. 

"Right when they discharged me, they had someone assigned to me. Why do you think I've been recovering memories so quickly...?" He asked 

Bucky frowned slightly, pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

"Sleep now, okay? You and me both need sleep..." He said

Steve nodded and closed his eyes, resting his head on Bucky's chest. 

Natasha had met Sam at the airport, smiling slightly at him. She would tell him the news, in the cafe of the same airport where they met. He had been happy to see her, she had been terrified to see him but hid it underneath a slight smile and a cup of coffee. She wrapped her arms around him in a hug but it wasn't tight. 

"I can't believe it's almost a new year." She said as she drove them to Bucky's apartment.

"I know, right? I hope some good changes happen...you know? I've got some bad news though...Tony's gone missing. They went looking for him and he wasn't there." Sam said with a slight frown.

Natasha frowned at that too, gripping the wheel. She refused to let him get to Steve again. Not when he was so vulnerable. He was recovering quickly, anybody could see that. It was curious as to why though. Nobody with amnesia recovered this quickly, it made her want to go to these 'therapy sessions' with him just to see what was really going on. Although she knew Bucky would get curious first and probably try to go with him. Steve was so stubborn sometimes, he would probably say no. To which Bucky would be stubborn right back and follow him anyways. Natasha would wait for that fight to happen, because it would be a fight. She was surprised they hadn't argued yet. 

"Well...if they don't find him, he'll find us and he will regret that." She said, parking in the lot for the apartments before getting out. 

Sam followed, getting his suitcase and carryon bag before following her upstairs. It's as if she had a gift for timing, for just knowing things because they were arguing when Natasha and Sam walked in. 

"I don't want you going anymore!" Bucky shouted

Steve froze entirely then.

"What do you want, Bucky? Do you want me to remember everything all at once at your convenience or do you want me to stop going to therapy? Because I can't do both." 

Bucky sighed. "Steve...I just...I saw what they did. Those injections, they scare the hell out of me. What if they hurt you in the end?" He asked

Steve shook his head, "You don't get to make that decision. I'm scared, okay?! I'm scared....I don't know half as much as I should and I want to remember as soon as I can for you and for me. My mom is dead, the funeral is soon, I want to remember her. I want to remember you. All I remember is Tony poisoning her and Natasha and me becoming friends. I remember small things about me and you like grocery shopping, dancing, and I keep having this dream about going to my mom's for Christmas." 

"Steve...we did do that. We did all of that, all of that is real. All you have to do is ask and if it isn't real, I'll tell you. I need you to trust me but please don't hurt yourself. Please...I love you, Steve. I love you so much and I want to put weight behind that ring. You haven't taken it off since I put it on...not even when you realized it didn't belong to Tony. Why is that?" Bucky asked

Steve swallowed as tears filled his eyes, looking away from Bucky.

"I knew you love me. I remember shouting I love you and then everything fades and I can't remember what happens next but all I know is I wake up in a hospital bed. And I realize when the ring isn't from Tony it has to be you and I realize someone really loves me, really cares about me and I could honestly use that right now. I mean I've always had Nat and Sam but you. You're something else entirely. Your eyes shine so brightly when we do stuff together, you're just happy to be near me. You're still fighting even though you wanted to give up but I don't hold that against you because this is hard. You love me and I'm trying to remember why I love you and I don't but I know I do. I love you, Bucky Barnes....and I'm scared because I don't remember when I started loving you or why. I know you look like sin in yoga pants, that you love Pulp Fiction, and that sometimes you like to smoke cigarettes. You take your coffee black and you sleep with one leg out from underneath the sheets. You like to shower with me and you let me braid your hair one day when I was really sad and had a headache, the pain killers not working. I think all of that is why...I love you." 

He looked back at Bucky after saying all of that, tears streaming down his face now. Bucky walked over to him and pulled him close into a hug. 

"Stop the injections...you don't have to remember...I know you're scared but I'm here. I'm with you..." "'Til the end of the line." Steve choked out, finishing it for him. 

Natasha and Sam smiled slightly and silently shut the door, turning to face each other. "Clint's bar?"

Sam nodded and followed her back down to the car with his bags in hand. They needed alone time to figure this out, they could both agree on that. Natasha had to tell someone. She hadn't even told Clint about the pregnancy, scared she would miscarriage. Afraid this was all just a fever dream or something. She had gone to the doctor, they told her it was very rare but that she was likely to have a rather healthy pregnancy so long as she didn't need bedrest. It still scared her, surprised her. She didn't know what to think about it, honestly. 

Steve couldn't stop crying, clinging to Bucky. He wanted it all to stop, the pain and the tears. He didn't want to be scared anymore. He didn't want to be alone anymore, to have to be worried. He wanted to remember but there were holes.

"I saw her then...I saw her when she was sick, before she died? Before she went under?" He asked

Bucky nodded. "We went and saw her for Christmas...you asked me if we could. If I would be your date and I'm so sorry Steve...I messed up. I proposed to you without asking if that would be okay, to fake an engagement. You got mad and you left...that's when you got into the car accident. I'm so sorry Steve." He said, clinging to Steve now. 

Everything started to come out, Bucky crying now too. He was practically sobbing silently as he buried his face in Steve's chest. Steve ran his fingers through his hair.

"It's not your fault."

And Bucky wanted to believe that, he really did...but he couldn't. Not now. He might never forgive himself for what had happened. Steve just held him, both of them a crying mess. 

"Lets make it official then...yeah?" Steve asked

"What?"

"James Buchanan Barnes...will you marry me?" 

"Yes...of course, Steve. Of course I will marry you." He said before leaning up to kiss him.

Steve slid his hands down from Bucky's hair to his chest, grasping his shirt as the two of them stumbled to the bedroom. This was the first time they didn't get into a scene, they just stayed out of that space and for the first time, went slow and gentle. Steve gave in entirely still but there was no tieing up, no spanking, no use of that. He made love to Steve for the first time that day, although it was a fact that he loved Steve the entire time they used BDSM. It can be used for both kinky sex and love making too, but for now they resigned to primal feelings and left all else behind. 

Natasha and Sam had arrived at the bar, going in. Sam ordered an alcoholic drink, it being about 6pm and socially acceptable. Natasha just got water, making Sam and Clint raise an eyebrow. 

"Natasha, a moment?" Clint asked

She nodded and followed him back into the kitchen. 

"What's wrong?"

She swallowed and shook her head, "Clint please."

"No, what's wrong?" He asked her, frowning slightly now. 

Was she sick? In trouble? Was she running away? Did something happen with Sam? Did Sam hurt her? He would break Sam's face, he swore he would when they started dating. 

"It wasn't supposed to happen, Clint. I'm in the 1%...I'm pregnant." She said, tears forming in her eyes but never falling.

Clint pulled her into a hug, "oh Nat..." 

She wrapped her arms around her own torso and rested her head on his shoulder as he held her close. She wasn't sure how she was going to tell Sam, or anybody else for that matter. She wanted to be a mother, sure...but she was terrified of what Sam would say or do. She didn't know if he was ready and that scared her.

Everybody was scared in their own way, unprepared for what was about to happen to all of them equally. Tony Stark wasn't going down without a fight.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the point of view of Tony for a while.  
> Natasha tells Sam.  
> Nancy isn't who you think she is.  
> Steve and Bucky will be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm updating these more often. The chapters aren't super duper long but at least I'm getting them out.   
> Lets see if you've caught on what I'm doing with the chapter titles ;)  
> Not beta'd.   
> Enjoy your daily dose of pain, no smut this chapter.  
> Just feelings, lots and lots of feelsy feels.

Tony was a man of wealth, power, and prestige. He wasn't always these three things, however. It took time and effort to become what he was today but he wouldn't be where he was without Steve Rodgers. The two of them had met in their college years, Tony taking an emotional interest in Steve. Steve had also returned this interest, the two of them actually beginning a relationship. Tony did begin to fall in love with Steve, he wanted to have a life with him and was going to ask him to marry him. But when his parents died in a car accident and he had to start taking action, Tony became involved in business. He was always studying or networking and left very little time for Steve in his life. 

It was actually at a party where he saw her, that kind devilish smile mixed with red hair was enough to have him never say no. Tony got caught up in his own emotions to the point where he ended up hurting the two people he cared about the most. He had gone through counseling to deal with his parents before going through counseling to be a proper businessman to take over the name of Stark Industries. There became too much room and yet not enough for Steve and Natasha when they both found out about each other. Tony was none the wiser, burying himself in finances. He had discovered a medicine to help Steve's mother and had given it to her, keeping a nurse named Nancy on call for him to know her stats but when he heard she wasn't doing well, Nancy quit working for him before going on to take care of Sarah herself. 

Nobody seemed happy to see him in that hospital room, apart from amnesiac Steve. It felt like they were in college again and memories would flood back very easy to Tony. At first they were nightmares but then they became hope, hope that there would be better times again. He had met someone in between Steve leaving him and Steve getting into the accident. Her name was Pepper but she decided she needed to leave the situation when she realized Steve was still someone he had feelings for and how deeply those feelings were. Tony had called Sarah the night he decided he was going to get engaged to Steve, asked for his hand before going ahead and getting a ring. It was that night he got the phone call, right before leaving to go on a date with Steve. The big date for the big question. His parents had been in a car accident. Point blank, a drunk driver. He couldn't breathe, tears filling his eyes. He hadn't talked to his family, hadn't seen them in a little over two years now and now they were dead. He used to fight with his father, saying he wanted nothing to do with the company and his mother would try to break up their arguments often. 

Eventually, the strain was too much and Tony was alone before he met Steve at college. He remembered his first time having a nightmare about the car accident, even though he wasn't there with them. It was just the thought, of knowing. It was the night after the burial and funeral. Tony had asked Steve to stay with him and Steve agreed. They were laying in bed that night, holding each other close when Tony sat straight up and immediately felt his chest tighten. He reached out for Steve, gasping and trying to make sense of it all. A heart attack? It had to be. Steve knew immediately what it was and what to do, making him use box breathing before managing to talk to Tony until he fell asleep again. It was the little things that made their relationship so strong and he had to ruin it, just like he ruined everything else. 

What people didn't know is Steve was sickly too, and probably going to die soon. He wanted to make something of himself and live longer so Tony got a favor from Howard and soon enough, Steve was given injections. It took weeks for it to actually work but they began to notice subtle changes in Steve like he was the scrawny kid anymore but a man. A buff, perfect man. Tony loved him either way because the size of his muscles never altered the size of his heart. He also remembered when Steve was pre-injections and would get cold easy. The winters were hell for him, there being no such thing as too many layers. Tony was reading one of his books for an English class, Steve curled against him as they laid by the furnace. It was some time in the early morning, the snow coming down hard outside.

They had only been together for six months now but they became comfortable with each other fast. They had an ebb, a flow, and it went on for a while. Tony pressed a kiss to Steve's forehead as he kept reading, Steve completely curled against him. He was still shivering slightly so Tony put the book to the side and grabbed a blanket before wrapping Steve in it. There was something serene about this, something caring. That caring man died, not really wanting to take on his parents business. He wanted to be an engineer but he never wanted to do this, never wanted to be just another Stark. He had hopes of building arms and organs, just like Sam Wilson did. He wanted to be a man who helped others and so through Stark industries, he did that. Tony remembered the first time he saw Steve again and it wasn't in the hotel room. It wasn't even at Clint's bar.

He had been in town for a seminar, drinking coffee at a nearby cafe. He had three hours until his flight left and he hadn't been expecting to see any familiar faces. New York was a big place, looking for one person was like trying to find a needle in a hay stack. He was just people watching, something Tony loved to do. He wondered what it was like to live a normal life, to go home to his parents for Thanksgiving with someone he loved wearing an engagement ring. To be married with kids, to have an interpersonal relationship with someone. Tony kind of pushed everybody away, although he wasn't the best human being for cheating on Steve. He knew that, he often had nightmares still to this day about that. He had nightmares about a lot. He was just people watching but he nearly choked on his coffee when he saw Steve. 

Steve was with Sam and Natasha, the three of them having breakfast at the same cafe. They were a few tables away but so absorbed in each other. They were smiling, laughing, happy. Steve mentioned someone named Bucky, talked about how Steve wasn't sure how to tell him something about his mother. Tony frowned at that and left a twenty dollar bill on the table before getting up and leaving them alone as he made his way to get a taxi to the airport. He would wait there, it was safer there. He had contemplated going over to say hi but he figured they would just beat the hell out of him. He had done a lot of unforgiveable things, he knew that and he wanted to take it all back. He would take out the ring he was going to give Steve every now and again, look at it and then put it back away. 

When he heard from Sam that Steve was in a car accident, he had to go see him. It was an impulsive movement. The doctors told him Steve had amnesia, that he wouldn't remember. Tony was ready to face anything that waited him but he wasn't ready to get his nose broken by Natasha. He wasn't expecting to lose. Tony was running now. He hadn't committed the crime he was being chased down for, that was the work of Pepper Potts. She handled the finances and she was the one that was supposed to go down. Tony had fired her when he heard what she was doing and started to try and fix it when Sam called in the dogs. Tony felt betrayed but he figured it fit. All he did was push people away and betray them. He stood on the top of the apartment building where Bucky and Steve stayed. He was going to go confront them tonight but he needed fresh air, a breather. Plus it was New Years Eve and he wanted to see the fireworks before going in.

It was a tradition that him and Steve watched the fireworks on TV every year. He missed Steve but at the same time Tony missed himself. He missed being the man he was before and would do anything to prove it to Steve that he was sorry. Because Tony Stark was so very sorry that he couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't focus, couldn't work. He lost everything and everybody and it was his own fault. Entirely his fault. 

"What the world fails to realise is a villain is just a victim whose story hasn't been told." 

~ ~ ~  
Natasha had asked Sam to go out with her, to go have dinner with her at this place they used to go to a lot. It was an Indian food restaurant and their first date. The aphrodesiacs in the food made them kind of do things later, the memory making Natasha smile a little as she waited outside for Sam. He was late, that wasn't like him. She checked her phone, no messages. She would tell him tonight, she would tell him everything tonight. 

"Nat." Sam called out as he walked over towards her.

She turned and looked at him, giving a nod and a slight smile. She was nervous, her anxiety beginning to rise slightly. What would Sam say? Would he be the father she needed him to be, that this child needed him to be? They had wanted children before but they hadn't spoken about it again when they said it was such a slim chance she would get pregnant. 

"Hey Sam." She said as he stood by her now. 

"What's wrong?" He asked, knowing by her tone and the look in her eyes that she wasn't okay.

"What do you mean?"

"You seem scared, Nat...what's wrong? Did something happen?" He asked, frowning slightly.

He swore, if anything happened to her while he was away he would figure out who did it and show them that people don't get to mess with Natasha. Then again, he knew she could mess up anybody who tried to do anything wrong to her but he still wanted her to be okay, to be happy. 

"Well...there's no smooth way to put this and I was going to wait until after we ate but okay. Sam, I'm pregnant." 

"You're....what?" He asked

"Pregnant...I'm carrying your child. Well, I'm going to try to carry this child. I'm three months along. I'm sorry." She said, turning and starting to walk away. 

Sam pulled the ring out of his pocket and got down on one knee.

"Natasha." He said, making her stop and turn to face him before her mouth fell open slightly.

"I wanted to wait for this moment, to be cliche and do it after the fireworks went off on New Years eve. I wanted to rekindle this relationship, I wanted this to go slowly like you asked but I love you so much. I know you have your doubts, I know that I messed up badly and I don't expect you to say yes but I love you and I will love that child too if you give me the chance. Let's go home Natasha...will you marry me?" He asked. 

Tears filled her eyes as she listened to him, trying to figure out what to do. 

"You don't know how long I've wanted this and now...right now when things are a mess...I love you Sam Wilson. Nothing will ever make me stop loving you..." 

"You're saying no."

"I'm saying yes but not right now." 

"Nat, we don't have to get married tomorrow." He said, sliding the ring on her finger and standing. 

She pulled him into a gentle kiss, wrapping her arms around him. She could get her happy ending, just like that. If she wanted it, it was within her reach. 

"Let's go home?" She asked

"I uh...yeah...I miss you. I kept the apartment, I kept making payments on it." He said

"Okay...let's go home." She said, smiling slightly. 

Sam smiled back and they went to go get her things from Bucky's apartment. Steve and Bucky were on the couch, Steve laying against Bucky as he slept and it was as if nothing had changed. They weren't all the same people though, they had all changed from these experiences but for a while it was calm, quiet. Like it used to be. Bucky was also asleep, one arm around Steve's shoulders as they shared a blanket. The furnace was on, spreading warmth throughout the apartment. Warmth and love, pure honest love. Natasha quietly moved her things out and they both went back to the apartment, taking Pongo with them too. They went back in and it was freezing cold. 

Sam turned on the heating and made sure the pipes weren't frozen before dusting some things off. They had a lot of cleaning and organizing to do but for now, they retired to their bed that they had shared all that time ago to take a nap by their own furnace. While all this was going on, all was quiet at Clint's bar. Wanda had fallen asleep in one of the chairs, her sons sprawled out in the lounge area, one reading and one quietly playing a video game. Clint had to close the bar early due to a blizzard coming in. He made sure they had everything they needed, smiling as he looked at the others. They were all happy for a change, he hoped that would stay. Things had been so crazy ever since Tony came back. 

It was almost a new year, all of them hoped it would be a happy new year.


	9. Daybreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daybreak - it's always darkest before the dawn.  
> I'm so not very sorry at all.  
> Huge plot twist.   
> Don't worry, I'll write another sex scene that's got them in a similar position.   
> Not beta'd.   
> I actually almost cried, uh oh.

Steve awoke to the smell of fresh coffee and the sound of Billie Holiday. He looked over and saw Bucky by the stove. He was cooking breakfast for the two of them, humming to himself. Steve smiled to himself and just watched. He couldn't remember much from before but he knew Bucky was a good man, that he meant well. He wondered what he could remember about Bucky. He knew his favorite color, that he was a ballet instructor, that he had been in the war. What else did he know? They had stayed up late last night talking about what Steve could remember, talking about who Bucky was. Who he is. He got up silently and went over to the kitchen, wrapping his arms around Bucky from behind. 

"Easy Living?" Steve asked. 

"For you, maybe I'm a fool but it's fun. People say you rule me with one wave of your hand, darling it's grand. They just don't understand, living for you is easy living. It's easy to live when you're in love and I'm so in love there's nothing in life but you." Bucky sang in response, turning to face Steve as he kissed him gently.

Steve reached behind him and turned the hot stove off before pulling him closer and tanging a hand in his hair. It was up in a bun but Steve fixed that quickly. Bucky's hands slid down from Steve's back to his butt, giving it a firm squeeze before adding a gentle tap to it. Steve jumped a little at the suddenness of it but didn't complain, pulling Bucky away from the stove and towards the couch. He barely broke contact with his lips until they both required air as well as the removing of clothes. Bucky ignored his phone ringing as he began to suck marks into Steve's skin, hands wandering south. It was new years eve and things hadn't been too ideal lately. Steve was still dealing with the loss of his mother in his own way, he would paint a lot. She liked his paintings. He also began to draw more. He had drawn Bucky a few times, both nude and not nude.

"Please sir...please tie me up, use me...please sir." Steve begged

This caught Bucky off guard for a moment. He hadn't really begged like that in a while, hadn't asked for a scene or anything like that. Bucky stopped and looked up at him for reassurance and he got it when Steve nodded, as if he could read Bucky's mind. 

"Are you going to be a good boy for me?" Bucky asked

"Yes sir, I'll be your good boy always." He said, arching slightly into Bucky's touch when he nearly took Steve's aching cock into his hand. 

"Let me go get those ties, baby boy..." He said in a low tone but Steve grabbed his hand, making Bucky look at him.

Was he not wanting to do this anymore? Bucky would be completely okay with that. He just wanted Steve to be free, to relax, and to never feel he had to give into Bucky's wants or needs. 

"I have a better idea...I want you to fuck my mouth, please sir?" He asked

"You want a taste?" He asked

Steve nodded eagerly, sliding down into a kneeling position on the floor and waiting. Bucky slid his own pants down, running his fingers through Steve's hair which earned a hum from the blonde.

"It's yours, my sweet one. You've been such a good boy..." He said

Steve's hands rested on his thighs as he swallowed Bucky down slowly, relaxing his throat to take him all the way. Bucky moaned, hand in Steve's hair grasping a little now. 

"Fuck...your mouth is sin." He sighed, earning a slight moan from Steve. 

"You want me to fuck that pretty mouth of yours?" Bucky asked, accent thickening. 

Steve began to have a memory, remembered begging Bucky to use him like the whore he was. Both of them came unraveled like that, Bucky's accent thickening and Steve becoming painfully hard. 

"Please sir...use me like the whore I am."

Bucky slid his cock back into Steve's mouth and began to thrust slowly. Steve swallowed, running his tongue over the tip and under across Bucky's circumcision scar. He heard Bucky gasp at that and looked up, seeing him throw his head back as he shuddered. He pulled out after a few moments, earning a gentle whine from Steve. 

"Shh...you deserve to be rewarded, my sweet boy. How should I reward you?" He asked

Steve was growing impatient a little bit. He hadn't felt this good in a while and he just wanted Bucky, he wanted to be close to him. To keep pulling this side out of him, to have Bucky be free. 

"I want to ride you...can I please ride you, sir?" He asked

"Of course..." He said, kissing Steve before leaving the room for a moment. 

He came back with lube and a condom, coating his fingers in the lube before beginning to slide them in and out of Steve's tight hole. He moaned, leaking pre-cum already. 

"Such an eager boy...so open and willing. How long have you wanted me like this?" He asked

Steve heard Bucky switch out of dom mode for a moment there by asking him that. He heard the change in tone, even though Bucky was adding another finger to stretch him out. Steve moaned again at that before swallowing. 

"A w-while...I wasn't sure if I was r-ready though." He managed to say. 

"Okay...because we go at your pace, Steve...you know that, right?" 

He nodded. 

"Good boy..." He said, switching back into a dom mentality 

He removed his fingers, sitting up and putting the condom on. Steve slid onto him, sighing softly as he did so. He had his hands on Bucky's shoulders, eyes locked with his. Bucky thrusted up once, earning a gasp from Steve. He placed his hands on Steve's hips then and just looked back into his eyes. This was the man he was going to marry, the man he finally confessed his love for and who returned those feelings. He wished it had gone differently, that he could go back in time and try to figure it all out. He wished that they could have confessed sooner, that Steve could remember. 

Bucky and Steve were getting married, Natasha and Sam were getting married and expecting, and Clint and Wanda were also getting married. It was almost a happily....ever....

Tony....Tony....Tony....Tony....Tony....

The sound of a beeping monitor filled his senses, blue eyes opening. 

"Bucky?" Steve asked, voice hoarse.   
He had been in a coma for almost a month now, sitting up not being easy. He felt a little light headed and nauseated. Bucky had called out to Dr. Banner, nurses and doctors filling the room as they pulled Bucky and Wanda out of the room. Steve had been confused, what was going on? After the doctors made sure his vitals were fine and removed a few tubes and cords, they let everybody back in. Wanda had gone to get Clint and the others, Bucky went back into the room with a knot in his stomach.

"Steve?" Bucky asked

"Bucky..." Steve said, tone stiff. 

He remembered. He remembered Bucky fake proposing and he remembered everything before then. He remembered the way everything went and he felt...sad. Not angry anymore but sad. 

"I'm so sorry, Steve. Please, believe me that I'm sorry. I never meant for anything to happen to you..." He said, tears filling his eyes. 

"Bucky.." He said, reaching his hand out to him.

Bucky walked over and took his hand, squeezing it as he sat next to the bed. He placed his head on the sheets, face down and crying now. Just sobbing as he placed a hand on Steve's good leg and held his hand. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." kept coming out of his mouth as Steve ran his fingers through his hair. 

"James Buchanan Barnes." Steve said in a stern tone. 

Bucky looked up at him, tear streaks and blood shot eyes. Steve dried his tears with his thumbs but more came. 

"I will marry you without a fault but if and only if it's true, if it's real. I meant what I said...I love you." 

Bucky swallowed hard at that and nodded. "I love you, Steven Grant Rodgers." 

Steve sat up some and wrapped his arms around Bucky the best he could. Bucky wrapped his arms around him and hugged him as more tears came. Steve rubbed his back and then pulled away slightly before looking him in the eyes. They held each others gaze for a while before kissing. It was a real kiss, a real engagement, a real truth. Everything else was a dream. Later on, everybody else came by to see Steve and they were rather happy. He learned about Sarah slipping into a coma and it made him sad.

"She's going to make it...I believe that. Your mom is a fighter." Natasha said with a sad smile. 

Steve nodded, "I mean you're not wrong....doesn't mean I don't worry." 

"You probably should..." Dr. Banner said with a slight frown as he entered the room. 

Sarah left them at 9pm on New Years eve. Steve was besides himself as Bucky held him, his crutches leaning against the bed. They were getting him out of the hospital and they were all going to Clint's bar.

"We don't have to go if you don't want to...they will understand." Bucky said, silently offering to stay with Steve so he could mourn but Steve shook his head.

"I'm ready...I want to see everybody, to enjoy New Years. Natasha also said she has good news and I could use some of that." Steve said

Bucky nodded and kissed him gently before handing him his crutches.

"If you want to leave early, we can." He said

"I'm okay...but thank you. I'll let you know if I change my mind." He said before grabbing Bucky's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze while balancing on the crutches.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Steve." Bucky smiled slightly.

The bar was decorated in fairy lights, Clint and Wanda having decorated it in purples, blues, and whites. Natasha had helped them or at least where she could. She was ready, waiting, nervous.

"What's on your mind?" Clint asked her

"You're going to have to wait to learn with everybody else, Barton." She said with a slight smile.

"Oh really? Well I have a surprise for you and I don't want you to hit me for the surprise." He said

"Why would I hit you?" She asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Because the surprise is me." Sam said, coming out from around the corner.

Her smile fell, standing up straighter. 

"Natasha..." Sam said, frowning slightly as he noticed her change in posture.

She couldn't tell anybody now, not with him here. He didn't deserve to know. But at the same time, he did...and she knew that. She gave a nod and went into the other room, Clint sighing slightly. 

"She'll warm up again."

"I hope so..." Sam frowned.

"Once she knows what you've done and why, she will." Clint replied before going to mix drinks for everybody. 

Natasha walked over to Bucky, hugging him tightly. Steve wasn't with him for some reason, one she wouldn't wonder about. 

"Yasha..."

The way she said it, made Bucky hold her a little tighter. He saw Sam was there and didn't need to be told more. Natasha had suffered many a heart break in her life, she didn't need to add Sam to that list and yet she did. He better have a damn good reason or Bucky would break his face. Wanda had started the music then and it seemed everybody started to fade into a pattern of drinking, laughing, talking. Natasha didn't do any of these things though. She did take one of the glasses and clink it, 5 minutes to midnight. Steve still wasn't there, she wondered. He was her best friend and she wanted him here but understood if something else came up. 

Steve had gone to visit Sarah's grave to wish her a happy new years when he realized he had 20 minutes to get there. He went and got a taxi, getting out outside of Clint's bar when he sat a figure that stood there, frowning slightly. 

"Hello Steve." 

"What are you doing here?"

5 minutes to midnight, so close to the bar. 

"Tony didn't deserve to die the way he did."

"Jarvis?" Wanda asked. 

Jarvis had pulled a gun, aiming it at Steve. Wanda frowned, taking a step towards him.

"Don't." Steve said, heart beating loudly in his chest.

Was this how he would truly die? Was this where it would end?

Natasha put the glass down. "I have an announcement I would like to make...my doctors told me some news in the beginning of the year that upset me, saying I had a 1% chance to have a baby. I guess I've fallen into that 1% and I'm pregnant." She said

Bucky was smiling, Clint grinning. "Congratulations!" Clint said

"Natasha, that's wonderful." Bucky said

Sam was quiet, frozen, shocked. He had every right to be, she knew that. Everybody was entitled to their emotions. Wanda had hugged her.

"I'm going to the kitchen to make a virgin drink for you." Wanda said with a smile, going to do so. 

She noticed a strange figure in the window and slipped outside to see who it was only to find Jarvis pointing a gun at Steve. Her heart was pounding in her chest when he told her don't. She couldn't move, couldn't scream.   
"Mom? Dad?" She heard Billy ask from by the door.

Her brother flashed in her mind, adrenaline filled her, she had to do something and charged towards Jarvis even when Steve shouted "Wanda, no!" But it was too late. When she went to tackle Jarvis, it startled him and the gun went off. Clint, Natasha, Bucky, and Sam ran outside at the sound of the gun. Tommy had stood by Billy, watching everything happen and he immediately grabbed his twin's hand, pulling the boy inside of the bar before pulling him into his arms. The blood had tainted the snow, Clint running over to them.

"Wanda?" He asked, fear filling his voice as he moved her off of Jarvis. 

"I'm okay, I'm okay...oh my god..." Wanda said, gasping and covering her mouth as tears began to fall. 

The blood belonged to Jarvis. Wanda reached out and took his hand, the gun falling from his other one. He had tears in his eyes as he squeezed her hand gently. 

"Wanda...I love them...the boys...and you....still love you..." He managed, coughing up a bit of blood. 

"Shhh..." She shushed him gently, pulling away from Clint for a moment to take both of his hands. 

Steve had already called 911, Natasha and Sam going to check on the twins. Bucky went over to Steve immediately and pulled him close, making the man drop his crutches as Bucky just held him close. They all heard fireworks in the distance, midnight signal into a new year. Steve clung to Bucky, eyes closed as he held him close. Everything was happening so fast, too fast. Wanda sunk against Clint, sobbing into his shoulder as she clung to him. Jarvis was pronounced Dead on Arrival, the ambulance taking him away as Clint took Wanda back inside. Steve and Bucky soon followed, a solomn silence filling in around them. 

Happy New Year.


	10. Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Funeral.  
> Wedding.  
> A cold hard truth.  
> Pregnancy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as long as I would have liked it to be but oh well. Very dialogue-y.  
> Not beta'd.  
> Drunken feels come in the next chapter as well as hungover feels.  
> I just kind of wanted to transition to a happier higher note from the dark stuff I'd been writing but I guess I'm not entirely done with the abyss yet.  
> Please pardon my Russian, if it's wrong then please let me know.   
> I'm always a slut for using languages correctly.   
> Hope you all enjoy :)

The funeral had already been held, they had already found the body and there had been so much blood everywhere. Pepper had shed tears, she had hated herself for what happened. She had met up with Steve after he was discharged from the hospital and Natasha too, who was showing from actually being a month pregnant. She was just barely showing though. Natasha hadn't really told anybody before New Years. Sarah's funeral was also soon, the preperations over as they now waited for when it would happen. Everybody helped Steve make it a special send off for a special woman. 

"I remember when I was 17..." Steve started, "I remember when I told her I wanted to go to school to become an artist. She had asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I told her I wanted to be happy. This last Christmas, her last Christmas, I'm ashamed to say I lied to her at first. I tried to make her believe I was in a relationship that wasn't real but my mom was my mom and she didn't believe it for a second. She always asked you if you'd eaten yet that day, always asked if she could get you anything before she was placed in a wheel chair. She was a loving woman, caring and kind. She was one of a kind and she accepted not only Bucky but everybody else in my life. I know she went peacefully, that she's not fighting anymore, but it still hurts and I'm going to miss her every day. She won't see me get married to the man I pretended to be in a relationship but actually ended up engaged to. She won't see if we ever adopt kids but I know she will because Sarah Rodgers always had her own way of checking up on the people she loved and I know she loved me. She was the best and my favorite parent. My only parent. She raised me and I don't know how she did it but I'm proud of her for that...and I love her. I hope she's at peace because I am. Thank you..." Steve said before going to sit between Natasha and Bucky again. 

The rest of the funeral continued on in near silence, a few more going up to speak about Sarah Rodgers. She had a neighbor that was fond of her and a few friends too that were requested to speak at the funeral. After the end of it all, he went back to the apartment with Bucky. Natasha had gone to speak with Sam at a coffee shop. Steve went in, took his suit off, and crawled into bed with boxers and one of Bucky's shirts on. Bucky joined him, wrapping his arms around Steve who proceeded to cry into his chest. Bucky held him close, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Death didn't cause sorrow forever, that was a fact the living could push on with. 

Natasha sat there silently. They hadn't spoken since before she announced she was pregnant and he was just as quiet as she was. She watched other people in the cafe, they seemed happy and content in their lives. She hoped to get to be happy and content one day. 

"How long have you known?" Sam finally asked, making Natasha look at him.

"Just a few weeks...I'm a month along. Hoping the news isn't premature, that's for certain." She responded.

"I have to tell you something. Pepper Potts was embezzling the funds for Stark Industries. I thought it was Tony Stark, he seemed heavily linked to it but he was trying to stop her. She framed him for it, took all of his money, and left him. I didn't mean for him to die, Nat...I just wanted justice to be served. I wanted to get back at him for what he did and he killed himself. Sometimes when I close my eyes, all I see is the bloody bathtub water, it was all over the walls. I lost everything for this...he wasn't a bad man, not in the end. He always had the best intentions. He wanted to help Steve by making his mom better, made her worse. He couldn't help the fact he was polyamorous. He wished he would have talked to you two about that, he wished he could have made things right again. He didn't mean to be an asshole, it's just how he came across. It's terrible...and you're going to probably hate me even more for feeling sympathy for a man you deem the devil but Natasha...what the world fails to realise is a villain is just a victim whose story hasn't been told yet. He had so much to say and he couldn't tell any of it, he couldn't explain anything because nobody let him and I watched the life leave his eyes. I was just a few seconds early before he died but he begged me to let him go and I did. And I had to let you go and I keep having to let people go and I don't know how much longer I can keep this up." Sam said, getting everything out in nearly one breath.

Natasha's hand slid across the table so quickly and took hold of his. Sam seemed so tired, so worn down, so lost, and just a little checked out. 

"Come home." 

"I don't want your sudden sympathy." He said, pulling his hand away. 

"Sam, no..." She said, shaking her head. 

"You were mad at me until it got sad, Natasha. I don't know what to do with that." 

"Come home. I still love you and we can have a child and be happy. I just want us to be happy, I want us to be again. I want you, Sam Wilson. I love you. I don't give a damn about Tony Stark's sob story, I'm sorry but that's true. He was such a bastard...and tragic means don't allow for pardon of being an asshole. I want to forgive him, to move on. I really do. I have, mostly. So has Steve. But he showed up at the party and just...you just...you didn't tell me anything. I was so hurt and confused, you didn't tell me anything. Just let me in, Sam. Let me in, love me, and be a good father. That's all I want..." She said, grabbing his hand again. 

He looked at her now, tears in both of their eyes but they were both fighting it back. He squeezed her hand gently and gave a nod. 

"I'll come home." 

The months seemed to fall out of time, the days passing quickly. Wanda and Clint's wedding came closer with each passing day, Steve's mourning seemed to turn into crying over photo albums and music every now and again, and Natasha was now six months pregnant. She found out the gender - a little girl. 

"Come on, Buck. We're going to be late!" Steve called down the hall, fixing his tie one more time. 

The colors were purple and black for the wedding. It was a pretty but dark combo, seemed to fit Wanda and Clint. Steve wore a black shirt with a purple tie, the vest a black color too. All of the grooms men had to dress that way whereas the bridesmaids wore purple dresses while carrying a bouquet of black and purple roses. The only white part of the wedding was her dress, Natasha helping out with the dress shopping where she could. She felt like a beached whale some days but usually kept that thought to herself. Sam would rub her back and help her where he could to make her feel less like a whale and more like the radiant and beautiful woman he found her to be. He was also in the kitchen, all three of them waiting on Bucky. He came out and Steve's breath caught in his throat. He looked like all the other groomsmen but there was something about purple and black on Bucky that just made Steve stop breathing for a second.

Natasha smirked slightly at this but said nothing, leading them out of the apartment to the car. They ended up at a gazebo in the park, Clint and Wanda not really religious. The twins had already grown up a little when nobody was looking, both nearly 14 now. One was the ring bearer, the other being the flower girl. Billy didn't really care about tossing flowers around, it made his boyfriend smile at the situation. Seeing the smile was good enough for him, honestly. It also made his mom really happy and he was about doing that too. Clint had waited in the gazebo for her, noticing that she was taking a little longer than expected. Natasha gave a nod to him, walking down the cobblestone walkway before going to find Wanda. 

She was sitting in the small tent they had set up to give her some privacy to get ready, looking really nervously in the mirror. 

"I can't get my makeup right..." She sighed as the eyeliner had run down her face as if she had been crying.

"Wanda...what's wrong?" Natasha asked, grabbing some tissues and gently cleaning up the mess.

"What if this is a mistake again? I've already been through one marriage...what if...what if I don't make this work? I need stability. I love Clint so very much, I need this to work." She said

Natasha took both of her hands.

"You are a strong, beautiful, independent woman. I am very proud of you Wanda, you have gotten through so much. And you love Clint who also loves you so much. The man possibly believes you've hung the moon and stars. He's been down a hard road too...the circus, the bar, his first wife...he's been through it too. And he asked you to marry him still. He wants you to spend the rest of however long forever is with him and I can tell you want that too. He's worried because you're taking so long....he's nervous too. I can tell, even if others can't. It's okay, Wanda. If life wasn't scary, it wouldn't be exciting." She said, squeezing her hands gently.

Wanda returned the squeeze and pulled Natasha into a hug.

"Thank you..." 

Natasha returned the hug, smiling slightly. 

"Come on...hand me the eyeliner, lets get you married." Natasha said, pulling away from the hug. 

She handed her the pencil and let her go to work on her makeup. Natasha came out a few moments later, going back to her spot as a bridesmaid, giving a nod to Clint. Wanda soon followed, smiling and holding her flowers. Clint smiled as he saw her, feeling relieved. She was breathtakingly beautiful in that dress but then again, Clint always found her to be breathtakingly beautiful no matter what she was or wasn't wearing. He took her hand, Sam officiating their wedding. She squeezed his hand gently and he returned the squeeze. 

"We are gathered here today for the union of Clinton Francis Barton and Wanda Rosalia Maximoff..." Sam began, the ceremony carrying out smoothly. 

The reception was just as nice, being in the park. There were lanterns, tables, and a live band set up for the reception. Wanda was smiling as she danced with Clint, laughing at something he said. Natasha was sitting at one of the tables with Sam, her back hurting her a bit. She held his hand and was talking to Barney about Clint and Wanda. Steve and Bucky were dancing together, talking about something in hushed whispers while Billy and Teddy danced too. Thomas found a girl to dance with, some of Clint and Wanda's friends showing up that the others had yet to meet. Clint's brother had shown up, currently on vacation from his job at the FBI. He had a weird relationship with Clint but at least he was trying, at least they were both trying. He certainly approved of Wanda as his wife, they completed each other in a way. 

"I'm just happy that he's happy." Barney said

"I am too. He certainly deserves it." Natasha said

"He grew up while I was away, that's for certain. Was barely 17 when I left and now he's married with a bar and he's got her two kids. I'm happy for him, I really am. Clint's a hard worker, always has been, and very passionate about life." 

"Oh I know. He told me he was going to open a bar and be very successful in the business of giving others a good time." 

"He should really rethink how he's worded that." Barney said with a smile. 

Natasha also cracked a smile of her own. Sam squeezed her hand gently, standing up and saying he was going to go get them a drink. 

"What's up with him?" Barney asked

"He's just tired." Natasha said, knowing full and well she wasn't going to tell their story to some man she had just met again for the second time. 

The first time she was with Barney, they had a small thing. Just sex, completely casual. Clint had been so mad when he found out that he didn't talk to Natasha for months. 

"If he ever gives you trouble..." 

"No, Barney. I'm fine. We're both very in love and I'm expecting his child. I couldn't ask for more or less." She said, smiling as she placed a hand on her stomach. 

There were glasses clinking then, getting everybody's attention. 

"I'd like to take a moment to say a few words, even though the best man is supposed to do that. I'm incredibly greatful for all the friends for they are my family but if I had to choose anybody to be my best man, it would probably be Natasha over there. She's been with me since I was 17, holding on through my crazy schemes and she actually introduced me to Wanda. I was having some trouble with my bar and she mentioned she had a friend looking for work, straight from Romania. I have her to thank for finding the one woman who would light up my world is ways I didn't even think was possible. Wanda, I love you with all of my heart and soul and I promise to try and provide you with the best life I possibly can. Thank you for making my life important." Clint said into the microphone, tears falling from Wanda's eyes as he sat down.

He had handed Steve the microphone, kissing Wanda as she wrapped her arms around him in a half hug. Steve stood next, smiling slightly. 

"These two are the epitome of love and admiration, there's no denying that. You can see it just by looking at them. They're made for each other, like two puzzle pieces that were able to find each other in a bag of crooked puzzle pieces. I'm very lucky to call both of them my friends, they've certainly been there for me in so many ways and I consider them family too. This isn't just a group of friends who have known each other, it is a family. That's for certain and I remember the day I met both Clint and Wanda. I met them after she started working for him a few years ago. It's actually all Natasha's fault, again." He said, pausing with a smile as a few people laughed. "They were so in love from the day I met them, maybe even before then. They didn't get together until a little later. I don't know why they waited so long but I guess sometimes it takes a long time to find the person you love. I wish them the best and that they are the happiest then can always be. Congratulations, you crazy kids." He said, raising his glass to them before sitting down.

He was about to turn the microphone off as people clapped at that, agreeing with Steve. Natasha held out her hand for the microphone after walkng over to him. He handed it to her, giving a nod as he did so. 

"Since you said I'm the bestman, mind if I contribute?" She said into it, looking at Clint and Wanda.

They nodded and waved for her to go on. 

"Clinton Francis Barton. Oh boy, where do I begin?" That earned some laughter from the guests.

"Well. He's my best friend, my brother. Simply put. I was in high school, my senior year. I was invited by this guy to go to the circus, figuring going on a date could be fun. It was an utter disaster and one of the performers noticed this, coming up to us and trying to make our experience better. The guy vomitted on me though before the night was through and I ended up wearing one of the performer's shirts." She said, pausing to look at Clint who rolled his eyes and said, "the guy was a loser, okay?"

She laughed before continuing. "Me and him hit it off, and we became the best of friends. He told me he was going to do more with his life than the circus but that is where he heart was. We exchanged phone numbers after being up until like 4...5am talking. We called and sent text messages a lot but then I learned he was moving to my part of New York to open his own bar, the crazy guy. He would visit me when he was around or even in town. He came here and he had to work a lot of odd jobs to make it happen. He was even a receptionist at my ballet studio. He's saved me from vomit guy, he's saved me from myself, and he's saved my friends. I also remember Wanda. I met her when I was visting my cousin in Bucharest. She was one of his neighbors and she was so kind, she has such a big heart. I'm happy that I could help them find each other because I have honestly never seen either of them as happy and fulfilled as they are now. There was something I used to tell him though, a Russian saying. Аво́сь да как-нибу́дь до добра́ не доведу́т. It means draw not your bow till your arrow is fixed...which basically means maybe and somehow won't make any good. I'm glad he listened to me and finally asked her out, finally opened that bar. I love you both, congratulations." Natasha said before putting the mic down on the table.

She went and hugged them both while everybody clapped around them before going to sit back down. Most people returned to dancing and talking after that, drinks flowing and the band at top volume. Steve had gotten drunk and so Bucky took him home. Natasha and Sam went home shortly after because of her beginning to feel a little sick. Billy went with Teddy and Thomas went to stay with a friend. The only ones left at the end of the night were Barney, Clint, and Wanda. Clint was about to leave when Barney stopped him.

"Hey." He said

"Hey." Clint replied. 

"I'm proud of you...you know. I hope you know." 

"Yeah, I know." Clint said before pulling his brother into a hug.

He was a little startled but wrapped his arms around Clint. He then pulled away and waved at Wanda.

"Do right by her."

"I plan to. You should come by the bar sometime." He said before getting in the car and driving away with Wanda.

Barney smiled slightly and decided to start helping the clean up crew, getting the park cleaned up from the wedding before heading back to his apartment. He would definitely take Clint up on that offer to go to the bar. He hoped they could be brothers again, he really did. They hadn't be right since Barney left for the army. He had asked Clint to join him, to create his own future, but Clint never showed at the bus stop to take them off. Barney went alone. They later knew it was a misunderstanding and they've just started to get to know each other again. He hadn't seen Clint since he was 17. 

Time goes by fast when you're not paying attention.


	11. Benign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The calm before the final storm that would almost drown them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta'd.   
> It's been foooooooooooooreverrr and I am so sorry about that but sometimes life just gets in the way.
> 
> Don't hate me too much for what I've done. I'm going to possibly have the next chapter out if not early this morning then tonight or tomorrow. I want to be more active in this and actually try to finish it before NANWRIMO starts.   
> Ha, wish me luck. We've got a lot to deal with. 
> 
> Dedicated to Quinn.

Steve was drunk, wasted, piss-drunk. He was laying in bed, giggling slightly after Bucky began to undress him. 

"Are we going to do stuff?" He asked with a giggle. 

"No, we're not. You need to rest up because you're going to have a monumental hangover and it's not going to be fun for you." He said. 

"I love you Buck.." He said after a few moments of silence. 

Bucky had been undressing too, careful to hang up both of their formal wear. He was taken by surprise at how tender and sincere it sounded. He knew Steve loved him but he had never been so tender about it before. Bucky walked over to the bed and wrapped his arms around Steve, pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

"I love you too, Steve...so very much." He said, just as much emotion in his voice as there was in Steve's voice. 

Steve smiled slightly and cuddled close to Bucky, the alcohol making him feel sleepy. He closed his eyes and fell asleep almost immediately from the warmth of being drunk and the warmth of Bucky by him. Bucky didn't sleep much that night, just holding Steve as a lot went through his mind. They would have to prepare a wedding at some point, they were going to be able to be that happy. He also thought of the hangover Steve was going to be facing, hoping it wasn't too awful. Luckily, it wasn't too bad. Nothing that bacon and coffee couldn't help, anyways. Steve had sat at the table with his head down, eyes closed, trying not to glare at Bucky every time he made him open his eyes or made noise. He set a plate down in front of Steve, instructing him to eat as well as drink the coffee before going to get his own.

He sat across from him, a million thoughts going through his mind right now. There was the wedding, the fact they had to plan their own, and then there were other things like how Steve was doing and how Natasha and Sam were. He wondered about Barney, wondered how that would effect things. He had just sort of shown up out of the blue and Bucky knew his past with Natasha. 

"Bucky..?" Steve asked, looking at him after swallowing his coffee.

"Hm?" He responded

"You seem spaced out...you okay?"

Bucky sighed. "It's...a long story."

"I'm sure as hell not going anywhere with this headache." He said, indicating he had all the time in the world to listen to Bucky.

"A lot is going through my mind. The wedding, our wedding, Barney, Natasha, Sam, a lot." Bucky said, reaching across the table to take Steve's hand.

Steve smiled slightly and squeezed his hand gently.

"Barney?" He asked, raising his eyebrow slightly.

"Yeah...him and Natasha...had a history. She never told you about Barney?"

"She never told me about Barney, no." 

"Well damn..." Bucky said, pulling his hand away and going to clean up their breakfast.

Steve grabbed his hand, stopping him.

"What's with Natasha and Barney?" Steve asked, frowning a bit.

Natasha woke up, gasping in a breath of air like she was going to scream. Sam sat up too, half-awake but very aware of the situation. She kept having nightmares and he was there always to make sure she got back to sleep okay. He laid back down, her placing her head on his chest. She was careful of the baby, closing her eyes as he held her. They both knew they had a lot to work on in their relationship but at the core of it, they loved each other very dearly. Not a lot could get in the way of that, not with the love being as strong as it was. It was taking Natasha some time to trust him again but she was getting there, it would just take a lot of time. 

"Sam?" She asked softly.

"Yeah?" He replied just as softly.

It's as if they both didn't want to disturb the other and yet they wanted to. They wanted to disturb the other and get back to the way things were. Natasha sat up and moved, straddling his waist as she was careful with her stomach. She leaned down and kissed him, getting a passionate response. She pulled away slightly, rubbing her nose against his.

"I love you, Sam..."

"I love you too, Natasha."

"No matter what?" She asked

"Of course...nothing will ever make me stop loving you." He said, sitting up carefully with her still straddling his waist. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled slightly before kissing him again. He was careful with her, being gentle and caring as they progressed forward. That was the way it should have been, right? Barney had tied her to the bed, ice cube between his lips as he ran it down between her breasts. He looked up at her, sliding down to use his tongue to insert the ice cube into her - 

"So, they had a BDSM relationship?" Steve asked, frowning slightly.

"Yeah...they switched a lot, from what I was told. It was a rather open relationship too. Natasha was going through some stuff while you were away after college and I came into the picture again after Barney. They'd just broken it off because Natasha wanted more and Barney didn't. He wasn't willing to commit to her and only her, he wanted her and everybody else. It was sad, really...but she was happy to move on without him in the end because she met Sam." Bucky said after closing the dishwasher with a soft click and turning it on.

"So...wait. Wait...does Sam know about any of this? Barney did just kind of show up in her life out of nowhere again, if I'm understanding this correctly. He seems incredibly jealous of Sam, like earlier if looks could have killed...does Clint know?" Steve asked. 

"I don't think so...I don't know. But it's best we don't stick our noses where they don't belong. Natasha is a big girl who will explain everything when she's ready. You and I, however, have a wedding to prepare for." He said, sitting down across from Steve at the table and taking his hand.

Steve smiled slightly and nodded, giving Bucky's hand a gentle squeeze. A relationship was built on trust, on honesty, because that's the way it was supposed to be. Because a relationship without trust was dangerous, right? Wanda was in the kitchen, getting a glass of water when she heard foot steps. She turned and saw Barney standing there. He had been staying with them at the bar for a while now and he said he would watch over it while Clint and Wanda went on their honeymoon. They left in the morning to head on their three day adventure.

"Hello. Can't sleep?" She asked softly, not wanting to wake her husband or sons.

He shook his head and walked over to her, brushing some hair out of her face.

"Clint sure knows how to pick them." He said before reaching above her slightly to get a mug of his own.

He was standing way too close for comfort. She looked up at him, lips parted slightly. He took this moment to lean down and steal a kiss, Wanda shoving him away immeidately. She grabbed the water.

"Good night, Barney." She said stiffly, disappearing up the stairs to the safety of Clint's arms. 

"You okay?" Clint asked, frowning slightly when he noticed Wanda seemed a little off.

Anxious, worried, heart racing. Barney kissed her?! 

"I'm okay, dear. Just having trouble sleeping and your brother is quiet. You'll have to put a bell on him." She said, trying to joke.

Clint sat up and brushed her hair out of her face, making her frown.

"Clint..."

"Baby, please...what's wrong?" He asked

Wanda wrapped her arms around him after placing the cup on the nightstand and kissed him immediately. He pulled away, frowning himself.

"Barney....he makes me uncomfortable. That is all...I don't trust him. He seems like a lying snake." She said

"I mean you're not entirely wrong..." Clint muttered as he ran his fingers through her hair.

They both laid down, her head on his chest and his fingers in her hair still.

"Can I trust him with my sons?" She asked softly. 

"I've given Thomas and Billy the numbers to every other adult we know that is not him so if anything happens, Steve and Bucky are a speed dial away." He said

She nodded and closed her eyes.

"I love you, Clint."

"I love you too, Wanda." 

Sam woke up the next morning to Natasha not being there. She was in the bathroom, the shower running. Sam had stood and stretched, undressing and joining her in the bathroom. She was leaning against the wall with water hitting her. He wrapped his arms around her from behind, rubbing her stomach. She had her head under the water and pulled out of it immediately before relaxing against him.

"Hi." She said

"Morning." He replied. 

For once, a comfortable silence fell between them. She smiled slightly, remembering that this is the way it used to be. She closed her eyes and let the spray hit them both. They shared breakfast after that and then Sam had to head off to work. Natasha was on the couch, watching TV. She felt a resolve, her hand resting on her slightly swollen stomach. A few months pregnant and happily in love with the father of the child - what more could she ask for? She closed her eyes and soon fell asleep against the couch. When she woke up, it was dark out and she was in bed. Sam was on the phone, out in the living room. She got up and went out there, smiling at him slightly. He smiled back before closing a deal on the phone and hanging up. 

"Who was that?" She asked

"An old ally to the company. They want us to come do a project in Africa..." He said

"Did you say you would? Because that's amazing, Sam." She said with a smile.

He shook his head, "no...I want to be here. The time it would take us...I would miss the birth of our child." 

"Sam..." She said softly as tears filled her eyes.

"I have missed you enough..." He said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. 

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. For the first time in a very long time, she felt at peace, at home. It all felt....benign. But it was only a matter of time before that all turned from benign growths into full blown cancer because happiness was fleeting and without sadness, we would take happiness for granted. Of course, it would be a while before that sadness could get to them - at least long enough for them to enjoy the happiness they had with each other. 

Steve was going to certainly enjoy the happiness he currently had. Bucky currently had him tied to the headboard, Steve on his knees with Bucky's hands on his hips. The thrusts had started out slow, soft, but soon they got faster and much more rough which Steve didn't mind one bit. He whimpered around the gag in his mouth as he felt himself growing closer, grasping the rope around his wrist tightly. 

"Are you going to be a good boy and cum for me?" Bucky asked as he slid his hand up Steve's back to undo the gag.

As soon as it fell out of his mouth, moans followed it along with a choked out "Please, master...oh yes..."

Bucky loved unraveling Steve like this, he liked being the one to see him vulnerable because it meant Steve trusted him enough. Which didn't really surprise him but he just liked knowing - of having something to confirm that trust. He leaned up and began to kiss and bite the back of Steve's neck, making the man underneath him tilt his head a bit to give him more access. He instead kissed below his ear before speaking.

"You're mine...yeah? You're my good little boy..." He said, leaning back again and keeping an eye on how tightly Steve was grasping the rope.

He seemed to be unable to form thoughts right now, soon trembling and crying out to Bucky as he came on the satin sheets beneath him. Bucky undid the ties on Steve who immediately pushed Bucky down and removed the condom to take his throbbing cock into his mouth. Bucky moaned and threw his head back, hand tangling in Steve's hair. His other hand was grasping the sheets.

"Oh Steve...fuck, I'm gonna...oh fuck..." He groaned, back arching slightly as his orgasm hit him like a freight train. 

Steve had swallowed what he could, some of it dribbling down his chin and onto Bucky's stomach. He collapsed next to Bucky, sore from the spanking he recieved earlier as well as saited from the pleasure. He felt sleep beginning to blur his vision, Bucky leaving his side for a moment. He would have protested but he knew aftercare was something Bucky would never skip. He looked over at the man who had a warm wash cloth and a glass of water ready. He sat up and let Bucky take care of him before sliding under the covers. It was getting late and Steve was very tired. 

"Hey Buck?" He asked

"Hm?" The other man replied as they laid there next to each other

"When we get married...are we going to hyphenate the name or..?"

"I was thinking of taking your last name, you know? I like it..James Buchanan Rogers. I know your last name is very important to yours and I've always wanted to take it...it has a nice ring to it. Bucky Rodgers..." He said

Steve rolled onto his side and pressed his face into Bucky's chest as he wrapped his arms around him. 

"I love you.."

"I love you too." 

Of course, everything with the wedding wouldn't run that smoothly. It had been a long month and they had begun to run out of time for planning. They had gotten the invitations made, the reservations called in, and now they had to decide on details. They agreed the colors blue and white would be traditional, good. Then there was the question of if they should wear their army gear or a tuxedo and they decided to wear their tuxedos. They then had to get fitted for said tuxedos and then they were going to have vases of flowers.

"What about roses?" Bucky asked as they stood in the florest shop.

"I hate roses...they're thorny and everybody uses roses." Steve said

"I wasn't aware you were suddenly such a hipster." Bucky said with a playful smile.

Steve playfully shoved him before continuing to look at more flowers.

"Daisies?"

"Daisies attract bees, don't they?" Bucky asked

"Oh yes, bees. Because those are very common during winter weddings." Steve replied

"Listen here, Rodgers. You're cute but you're a pain in the ass." Bucky said with a slight smile

"Yeah and isn't it great that I'll get to be your pain in the ass for the rest of our lives?" He responded when he stopped in his tracks. 

"Steve?" Bucky asked, immediately picking up on the sudden change in the man. 

"Buck, I found the perfect..." He said, walking over to a display.

It was a mix of sweet peas and gardenias. Steve was so enamored by the flowers that Bucky couldn't bring himself to make fun of Steve for picking such a cliche flower. Bucky and the flourist looked at each other and nodded with a slight smile. 12 bouquets, each purple and white to go with the blue and white theme of the wedding for the tables. Steve then wanted tulips for Natasha and Wanda, nice purple ones to go with the sweet peas. The flowers went well but the only time they ever argued was over the seating. They had stopped at a diner for lunch, sitting in a back booth as they started to come up with ideas for who went where. Steve had his sketch book out, the venue drawn out. 

There was tension from when they went to see the venue. They had narrowed it down to The Foundry or The Glasshouse and had decided to go look at both places. Bucky really liked the Glasshouse. It was breath taking when they had gone there, the sun setting. The room was big enough for them to do what they had planned on doing and they had a space for the reception as well that would be nice. They then went to look at the Foundry. This is where things got a little...weird. There was another couple ahead of them, a blone female and her fiance who looked to be the typical suit and tie kind of guy. He was on the phone talking business about something while she looked around but in doing so, her eyes landed on Steve.

"Oh my god, Steve?" 

He turned around from looking at the moss to see her. It had been years since he had last seen her.

"Sharon, oh my god. It's been forever." He said with a smile as he walked over to her. 

She had met him in the middle, having walked over to him. Bucky immediately felt something weird in the pit of his stomach as he looked at the two of them. He wasn't the jealous type, right? He had never been before. Maybe it was how perfect they seemed together, how they seemed to still fit together after all of this time. Bucky had left the room, beginning to feel a little sick. How long had Steve been with her? Why hadn't he told Bucky about her? She had to have been right after Tony, the person to help heal him from Tony. 

"And this is my fiance..who isn't where I left him." Steve said with a slight frown.

"Oh, that's fine. I'm sure we can meet up some other time. Me and Tom have to get going soon but it was really nice seeing you again Steve and I'm happy you're happy. I really am." She said

He nodded, "likewise. He's good to you, yeah?"

"Absolutely." Sharon said with a smile before putting her hand on her stomach. 

She had been 1 month pregnant now, the two of them trying to get married before she started showing. She told Steve about how they met at work and how the two of them hit it off immediately. She seemed happier with Tom, better off with Tom. There just came a point where Steve and Sharon stopped being able to make it work due to emotional differences. They wanted different things, although they certainly left it off on a good note. He hugged her, congratulating her before going to find Bucky. 

"Bucky? Buck? If you don't like the moss, I really enjoyed the glasshouse too." Steve said as he found his fiance outside. 

"Yeah, it's whatever." Bucky said

"Hey...what?" Steve asked with a frown. 

"I'm hungry, how about you?" Bucky asked

"I guess? You don't want to look here?"

"No." Bucky responded, walking back to the car.

Steve followed him, realizing Sharon might be the cause of Bucky's upset. He didn't know how to begin on that. They had met in a coffee shop, Sharon a waitress at the time. She had ended up as an administrator for a big company by the time Steve broke it off with her. They agreed to just be friends with benefits at first but when Sharon wanted more, Steve said no. He broke her heart but she said she would wait for him. He never came around and finally told her it was time to stop waiting when he realized he just couldn't make himself love her. She was devistated but wished him well and left him for Tom. They never spoke again but did try to leave it on a positive note. Or as positive of a note you could find in a mess like that. 

Bucky was glaring at his cup of coffee. Why wouldn't Steve talk about her? What he scared, ashamed? What other secrets did Steve keep from him? Steve had asked him a question but he didn't hear it. It was about the seating at their wedding, the wedding for them. He loved Steve so much, why wouldn't he tell Bucky about this woman? This charming woman that seemed to fit with him so much better than he did. She made Steve smile, a smile that Bucky had never seen. Steve sighed when he realized he had to fix this. 

"Her name is Sharon. We had dated between Tony and you but it was only for a few months and it wasn't really dating. We hooked up a lot but when she wanted more, I broke it off. She...she told me she loved me and I couldn't handle that. She's now engaged to a great guy and pregnant. Although that last part is a secret. Which you would have known all of that if you would have just asked or let me talk instead of storm off. I didn't talk about her because I didn't think about it like fuck Bucky, I haven't seen her in years. I was a different person back then, I hate what I did to her. She fell in love with me and I just slept with her. So there. That's the great story. Now can we please focus on who is sitting where?" Steve asked 

"How can you just ignore this? You never told me about her. Don't try to tell me it never crossed your mind once, that you never once thought about maybe telling me. Were you sleeping with her when we got together the first time? Oh my god, did you cheat on her with me?" Bucky asked

"No! No...we were over for a while. She was with me while I was over seas but I just...I couldn't string her along. I didn't love her and I don't love her. I love you and I'm marrying you. Why are you being this way? I would never betray you." Steve said, feeling tears well up in his eyes. 

He stood up and immediately went to the bathroom. Bucky sighed and saw that the Glasshouse was what Steve had drawn on the notebook. Bucky took the page and ripped it out, crumpling it. He drew something else, leaving the address on the back of the page. He then paid for their food and left, leaving the car keys on the table as he went to get a taxi. Steve had come back out, having been crying. He froze when he saw Bucky wasn't there anymore and felt his heart sink. He went over to the table and saw there was a new venue drawn on it that looked nothing like the one before along with the keys and address. He narrowed his eyes slightly. He was about to pay but the waitress said it was already paid for and got coffee to go before heading out to the address.

'Go all the way upstairs' was scribbled underneath it. It was a rundown building, something that had to be at least 50 years old. It was pure brick, moss growing up the sides of the building. The windows weren't dusty though and it was as if someone maintained the building a little. He listened to Bucky's note and went all the way up the stairs to find it lead out to a roof. There was a garden on the top of the roof with fairy lights, Steve gasping when he saw it all. There was an archway already that currently had vines wrapped around it. This was it, this was where Steve wanted to get married. 

"You like it?" Bucky asked softly.

Steve turned around and saw him standing there with a weak smile on his face.

"Oh Buck.." He said before running towards him and nearly tackling him in a hug. 

"I've been working on this with Wanda and Natasha. There's even enough room to have the reception up here or we could repurpose one of the bigger rooms...I was thinking...I was thinking we could move in here one day. It's big enough for us...for a family, if you want one. I just..I want to give you the world, Steve. I'm sorry for getting upset, for being jealous. I don't even really know what got into me, I love you Steven Grant Rodgers." He said, holding Steve in his arms.

"I love you too and I'm also sorry. I would love to get married here and start our life here. Of course I want a family...especially with you." He said, smiling. 

"We can move in after the honeymoon." Bucky said, nearly grinning before pressing a kiss to Steve's lips. 

This was it, the calm before the final storm that would almost drown them all. There is happiness and sadness in this world to balance it all out. There is love too, though, and love never dies.


	12. Author Note: Apology

I am unsure as to if I can continue this story. I started writing it for a friend I am no longer close to after starting it just for myself. It makes me sad to revisit this story, to see the dedications and the heart I put into this. I may finish it sooner than originally planned or not at all.

Either way...

I’m sorry.

I have new plans for another Marvel fic where it’s a college AU. That’s all I’m going to say. Thank you all for the love you’ve had for this fic, you’ve been wonderful.

 

Cheers,  
Sam


End file.
